WE MOVED!!!!

You might have noticed a bit of, well, inactivity on this site of late. It is not that I am trying to ignore you. Not at all.

I have, however, been in the midst of a cross-country move from Vancouver, British Columbia to Toronto, Ontario. From the time we signed the paperwork agreeing to the relocation to the time the movers showed up on our front door step was a mere five weeks. That didn’t seem all that absurd to me when we signed the papers - I was so utterly naïve!!

As you can well imagine, the past couple months have been completely chaotic and it has been all I can do to keep up with my coaching appointments. And needless to say (although I will spell it out for you) writing my blog has slipped off the radar completely.

I am pleased to announce that I am (somewhat) settled. Eric and I are indeed in Toronto (Riley’s trip to Texas turned out to be amazing timing) but we are living in a hotel since our house will not be ready until October. All of our things are tucked away in a couple of containers at the mover’s storage facility so we don’t feel completely at home, but at least we are parked in one place for six weeks.

The good news is that I have a list of blog posts that I cannot wait to write. Stay tuned!

Are you really too tired to have sex?

http://www.yourtango.com/proconnect/201074147/are-you-really-too-tired-sex

In this article, Dr. Trina Read tackles head on the “I’m too tired” excuse for a lack of sex in a marriage.  According to Dr. Read, “many a men and women has confessed that saying ‘I’m too tired’ has become a bad habit—they say it before they really think about whether they are or not.”

Where do you land on this?  Are you really too tired to have sex, or are you too tired to figure out what’s really wrong?

Thoughts?

Viagra for Women is Not for Me - a perspective

I love the Daily Beast website. Over the past year, it has slowly replaced CNN for my main source of news. Not only does it give a “cheat sheet” on the top hard news of the day, but it is also filled with blogs by various people who voice their opinions on everything from the oil spill, to the Israeli embargo on Gaza to sex. Today’s article speaks to the latter and the author is arguing against the commonly held view that women should be as sexual as men.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-06-16/flibanserin-viagra-for-women-is-not-for-me/?cid=hp:beastoriginalsL5

Tell me, what do you think?

Those Who Do Not Study History…

If you were under the belief that sex toys were a recent invention, check out this article.  German scientists recently discovered a sex toy which is 28,000 years old! Evidently, one end of the device was used to light fires and the other was used to… well, you know.

Somewhere, The Doors are singing, “Come on baby, light my fire.”

Prehistoric siltstone phallus, the world’s oldest sex toy, was also used as tool to ignite fires

By Rosemary Black

The world’s oldest sex toy was more than just a feel-good aid. The 30,000-year-old siltstone phallus doubled as a tool to ignite fires.
Read more: NY Daily News

Statistical Research on Divorce

This is a fascinating article on what puts your marriage at a higher risk of divorce. Are you in one of these risk categories? If so, then take this article as a nudge to keep working to keep your marriage strong and healthy.

The original article with references can be found here.

15 Ways to Predict Divorce

by Anneli Rufus

1. If you’re a married American, your marriage is between 40 and 50 percent likely to end in divorce.

2. If you live in a red state, you’re 27 percent more likely to get divorced than if you live in a blue state.

3. If you argue with your spouse about finances once a week, your marriage is 30 percent more likely to end in divorce than if you argue with your spouse about finances less frequently.

4. If your parents were divorced, you’re at least 40 percent more likely to get divorced than if they weren’t. If your parents married others after divorcing, you’re 91 percent more likely to get divorced.

5. If only one partner in your marriage is a smoker, you’re 75 percent to 91 percent more likely to divorce than smokers who are married to fellow smokers.

6. If you have a daughter, you’re nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce than if you have a son.

7. If you’re an evangelical Christian adult who has been married, there’s a 26 percent likelihood that you’ve been divorced—compared to a 28 percent chance for Catholics and a 38 percent chance for non-Christians

8. If you live in Wayne County, Indiana, and are over 15 years old, there’s a 19.2 percent chance that you’ve been divorced.

9. If both you and your partner have had previous marriages, you’re 90 percent more likely to get divorced than if this had been the first marriage for both of you.

10. If you’re a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older

11. If you’re of “below average” intelligence, you’re 50 percent more likely to be divorced than those of “above average” intelligence.

12. If you’ve been diagnosed with cervical cancer, your likelihood of getting divorced is 40 percent higher than standard rates; it’s 20 percent higher if you’ve been diagnosed with testicular cancer.

13. If you have twins or triplets, your marriage is 17 percent more likely to end in divorce than if your children are not multiple births.

14. If you’re a female serial cohabiter—a woman who has lived with more than one partner before your first marriage—then you’re 40 percent more likely to get divorced than women who have never done so.

15. If you’re in a male same-sex marriage, it’s 50 percent more likely to end in divorce than a heterosexual marriage. If you’re in a female same-sex marriage, this figure soars to 167 percent.

Keep in mind that stats are just numbers - nothing is a guarantee.  There are a few of these that could apply to my marriage, but I am not concerned because of what they say.  We should always be working on our relationships regardless of any statistics.  A marriage is the very last thing we should ever take for granted, no matter what the “numbers” say!!

How is yours?

Having Sex to Relieve Mental Stress

With very little effort I found quite a few websites and articles that talk about taking a “mental health day”.  Some of them are as simplistic as, “don’t go into to work if you think you might need to kill your boss - take a mental health day and relax”.  Others are fairly lengthy explanations about the existence of World Mental Heath Day - which is evidently every October 10th.  The bottom line is that we all get stressed at times in our lives.  And there is some evidence that taking a day to focus solely on yourself has tangible benefits to your mental well being.  But when a friend of mine pointed me to this article, The Benefits of Sex for Your Mind and Body, I realized that we don’t have to take a day - or wait for October 10th - before we can do something to reduce the amount of mental stress we carry.  We can have sex.  The article lays out 10 major benefits of sex that all relate to helping your mind and your body relax.

1.     Sex Makes You Sleepy.
“The sexual release you have after having sex actually helps you sleep better at night,” says Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Love Making.

2.     Sex Makes you Happy.

Fulbright said that in a recent study of 4,000 American women, those who had the lowest stress and best overall mental well-being were those who were the most sexually active.

3.     Not having sex can lead to depression.

4.     Sex causes an “orgasmic pregnancy.”

“Women are the most interested in having sex when pregnant because they feel really good about themselves overall.”

5.     Sex will boost your self-esteem.

Fulbright says that having sex boosts your entire self-esteem, not just your body image.

6.     It releases oxytocin and endorphins.

Oxytocin is commonly referred to as the “love hormone” because it leads to feelings of intimacy, closeness, and strong social connections with someone else.

7.     Orgasms help mental health.

“Nothing is as relaxing as putting yourself in a place where you relieve stress,” says Dr. Gloria G. Bramer, a Georgia-based licensed clinical sexologist. “After you have an orgasm you release natural oxytocin to the brain, which balances you out.”

8.     Sex gets rid of cramps.

Bramer says that having sex may be the best way to relieve menstrual cramps. Many women say that by having an orgasm, they not only get instant relief from their cramps but also from other PMS related symptoms.

9.     Sex has healing powers.

Orgasm can help relieve chronic back and other pain.

10. Sex is connected to your libido.

Just as sex is tied to mental health and happiness, it’s also tied to your libido. Bramer says that when you are feeling stressed, your libido is going to suffer. This will in turn diminish your appetite for sex, which will also add to your risk of depression. Having sex is an instant mood enhancer that can reverse all of these symptoms.

Now, I will be the first to point out that the article, written by Colleen Moody, does not site source studies for these tidbits of information (other than the book by Dr. Fulbright and the quotes from Dr. Bramer), but I still find the list interesting.  These might be common sense things to some of you, but putting things into a neat little list can often be helpful.

Want to add to the list?  What mental health benefits do you find accompany sex and orgasm?

For those interested, you can find the original article here.

A Male Birth Control Pill??

Birth Control Pills for Men <- click for original article

I have to admit that, before reading this article, the idea of a male birth control pill had never crossed my mind. Men have condoms, why would they need a pill? But then my mind went to a conversation I had just last week with a client wherein she talked about her husband’s loathing for condoms. (My husband has always said it is like having a shower with your rain coat on.) She also had no desire to use the pill herself due to the side effects that she experienced. For couples in this situation, maybe a male pill would provide an alternate resource. Interesting concept.

What are your thoughts??

The Male Brain

I love studying about the differences between the female and male brain. When I understand why my husband behaves the way he does, I have so much more patience AND I don’t jump to quick (and usually very wrong) conclusions about him. In this article, Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of The Male Brain talks about her book on CNN:

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/03/23/brizendine.male.brain/index.html

Best quote of the article:

“Perhaps the biggest difference between the male and female brain is that men have a sexual pursuit area that is 2.5 times larger than the one in the female brain. Not only that, but beginning in their teens, they produce 20 to 25-fold  more testosterone than they did during pre-adolescence.

If testosterone were beer, a 9-year-old boy would be getting the equivalent of a cup a day. But a 15-year-old would be getting the equivalent of nearly two gallons a day. This fuels their sexual engines and makes it impossible for them to  stop thinking about female body parts and sex.”

Sexual Intimacy Disrupted by Cancer

This article, in its entirety, can be found at dukehealth.org published by Duke Medicine News and Communications.

Cancer often leads to significant and long-term disruption in sexual function and intimacy, regardless of the type of cancer or how far along the patient is in the treatment plan, according to a new study from Duke Clinical Research Institute (DCRI) appearing in the journal Psycho-Oncology.

“We discovered that having cancer — any kind of cancer — can alter a patient’s sex life,” said Kathryn Flynn, PhD, an assistant professor at the DCRI and the first author of the study. Researchers found that in some patients problems persisted long after treatment was over.

But researchers also found that changes in sexual function were not necessarily correlated with a decline in sexual satisfaction. “That’s an important distinction we feel needs to be recognized by researchers who are working on better ways to measure quality of life among people with cancer,” Flynn added.

Both men and women reported that loss of sexual desire was a problem. And while some patients in post-treatment groups reported that that sexual desire had returned, it never did for others.

Flynn says that one of the most interesting findings that may improve how sexual function is measured came from participants’ revelations about the complex relationships between sexual function and intimacy and satisfaction with their sex life.

Their experiences tended to fall into one of four categories:

• Intimacy declined when sexual activity declined. Men and women both reported feeling isolated and sometimes pushing a partner away when sexual intercourse was not possible.
• Intimacy became an alternative to sexual activity. Some participants found that emotional intimacy was an acceptable substitute for sexual activity and were satisfied with the closeness it brought about.
• Intimacy became sexual activity. A minority of participants redefined sex so that the activities they could participate in (e.g., holding hands) were what they considered their sex life.
• Increased intimacy led to improvement in sexual activity. A number of patients let changes in sexual function provide an opportunity to find additional means of sexual expression that actually expanded their pleasure with each other.

“There is no doubt that sexual function and intimacy are important aspects of quality of life for people with cancer and their partners,” says Flynn.

While I could not agree more with what Dr. Flynn says, I would go further and say that sexual function and intimacy are important aspects of quality of life for people and their partners period.  I have written many times on the topic of intimacy and what it entails and yet there is so much more to be said on it.  We’ve done a couple of polls already this year on intimacy - How Do You Practice Intimacy Outside the Bedroom as well as asking the question, What’s Your Biggest Roadblock to Sexual Intimacy?  But these four points that come from a study of cancer patients and survivors really put a fine point on the importance of intimacy.  I had the privilege of speaking to a group of women who call themselves Thrivers - not just surviving cancer, but thriving through it!  Their experiences and stories moved me deeply.  Later this week I will share with you some of the perspectives that they taught me.  Read it here!

In the meantime, give yourself a check up - ask yourself, “how’s my intimacy level with my lover?”

8 Reasons to have sex

This article is a reprint from ezinearticles.com and you can see the original here.

By George Yeo

There are many people who enjoy good sex daily, but sex is not just about pleasure and enjoyment. There are many other benefits to it, as we shall outline in today’s article.

1. It can help you prevent getting heart attacks and strokes. Research has shown that men who have sex 3 times a week can reduce a heart attack and stroke by as much as 50%. This is a good enough reason to have regular sex with your other half.

2. Weight-busters? Although it might not seem a lot, but having sex for 30 minutes can burn up around 250 calories. That will also depend on the intensity of the process, and the calories burned might even be higher than this figure.

3. Immune-boosters as well? Wow. Research has also shown that having sex at least once a week can boost your immune system by around 30%. You can tell your partner that you are getting healthier with each intercourse!

4. A regular menstrual cycle. Columbia and Stanford universities have found that women who have sex at least once a week have more regular menstrual cycles. It could be due to a natural hormonal cycle where the body regulates the process constantly. Women can also look forward to less pain during menstrual cramps because sex can release a chemical called oxytocin, which helps to alleviate the pain should your cycle strikes.

5. Looking to look younger? An active sex life can actually slow down the aging process. By constantly engaging yourself in activities that help you feel good, you can actually feel and look better. There is also a boost in your confidence levels, which can indirectly help you maintain your looks.

6. Improving the relationship. Regular sex and communication in bed can bring your love to a whole new level. The less often you have sex, the less interest you will be having over some time. This will inevitably hurt your relationship.

7. Reduce your chances of getting prostate cancer. The more often you ejaculate, the less likely you will get prostate cancer.

8. Stress-busters as well! Sex can help you release tension and stress, much more than anything else. However, if you are/your partner is seriously overworked or depressed, it might backfire and the whole process might end up in shatters instead. Play it by the ear.

Well there you go!

That’s 8 solid reasons to have sex!  Can you think of any other “good reasons to have sex”?  Gimme your thoughts! I would love to hear from you.

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