Pain During Orgasm

Dear Eryn-Faye,

My wife’s orgasms are painful. It is pleasing for her up until just after she orgasms. The orgasms first is pleasureful then immediately is becomes excruciatingly painful. What could cause this? How can this be treated so that when she has an orgasm it doesn’t hurt.

My immediate recommendation is that your wife should visit a doctor - preferably a specialist in obstetrics and gynecology. The symptoms that she is having might be indicative of a deeper issue which requires medical attention. While I am not a doctor, I have seen this issue before in my years of coaching women, and the issue is often uteral in nature (ie: endometriosis, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, etc.). The doctor will most likely ask questions about the length of time she has experienced this pain, where it is located, how long it lasts for and so forth. I would strongly urge you to get answers for this issue as it is not a typical experience.

Thank you so much for reaching out to us with this significant question. Obviously, we want to see your relationship with your wife grow and deepen (and be free from painful orgasms too!!). If you have any further questions or comments, I would love to hear from you again!

Warmly,

Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

Weight loss after pregnancy

Dear Eryn-Faye,

I have a question about sex in my marriage. We have sex regularly, but ever since I became overweight, I don’t feel sexy because I am slightly overweight. I was at a healthy weight before becoming pregnant with my fourth child. He is 6 months old, and I am still overweight. I am trying to lose weight, but feel like my husband is sabotaging me. He believes in eating unhealthy foods and tries to guilt me into eating them. I try to eat only healthy foods and usually only eat my healthy foods anyway, but I hate the constant pressure, because sometimes I feel guilty and eat the unhealthy stuff to make him happy. I would like to exercise more, but I don’t have time. I am too busy keeping care of the house and kids. He says I need to exercise, but when I want to go to the gym, he says, “Will you change the diaper and feed the baby first? Oh, I hate it when you leave. Come sit on my lap.”  and I don’t end up going. I would like to  exercise 2 times a week at the gym. Now I am lucky if I get any exercise at all. He doesn’t think he prevents me from going, but he does. How can I help him understand that I need him to help me by allowing me to leave to go to the gym, and not pressuring me to eat unhealthy foods, so that I can enjoy sex more because I will feel sexier, and so that I can be at a healthy weight?

Allow me to start by saying, good for you for wanting to lose weight only 6 months after the birth of your fourth child!! Not only will shedding the extra pounds help you feel better about your body image, but it is also a healthy choice. Bravo! Here are a few tips and suggestions to overcoming the obstacles that you are facing:

• Sit down, when the kids are in bed, and have a serious conversation with your husband about your desire to lose weight. Let him know why it is important to you (losing weight will make you feel more feminine, sexier, less stressed after a long day with the kids – whatever your reasons are).

• In this conversation, let him know that he can demonstrate his love to you by supporting you on this issue. Then outline the specific ways that he can support you. (eg: “How you can help me, honey, is by taking care of the kids completely when I need to get out the door to the gym. This means changing diapers or feeding them if that is what they need.”

• Use an analogy that he will understand. (eg: “Honey, when you need to de-stress from your day, your favourite thing to do is watch the game on TV [or play videos, or go out with the guys or whatever it is]. I support you when you need this activity in your life, and I am asking you to do the same for me.”)

• Outline the benefits for him (eg: “Honey, when I am my ideal weight, I love having sex with you because I feel so sexy. Being overweight hampers my ability to get in the mood.” or whatever benefits he will receive from you losing weight)

• Set a schedule for your days at the gym so that your husband won’t feel like the gym is constantly cutting into your alone time together and so that he will have a clear picture of when he is going to be “on deck” with the kids.

• Don’t buy unhealthy foods! Very simply, don’t bring them into your home! They are called “unhealthy” for a reason – they are not good for you, your children or your husband. Of course, your husband is a grown man and can make his own choices. So, if he wants to eat this way, then he can do so during his work day, or go out with his friends, or swing by McDonalds or Dairy Queen on his way home from work to get his fix. There is absolutely no need to stock your house with such items and then beat yourself up because you caved to the temptation.

Finally, your husband is correct about one this – he is not the one preventing you from going to the gym – you are the only one doing that. You can make different choices so that you can get the outcome you are wanting and deserve. You can do it, and I am cheering you on!!

Warmly,
Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

G-spot orgasms and “squirting”…

Dear Eryn-Faye,

I was wondering…I’ve had the privilege of making my girlfriend “squirt” by stimulating her G-Spot. She said it was the most incredible orgasm and it really was a full body orgasm for sure but I was wondering what the whole phenomenon was. What actually comes out of a woman when she has this type of orgasm? And (come on let’s face it) she has them back to back and as many times as I give them to her…HOW FAIR IS THAT!!!??? LOL!

Let me start by saying that you are a very lucky man! Not a lot of women ever even look for, much less find, their G-spot.  And even fewer have ejaculation, and yet the women who do describe it as one of the best experiences they have ever had. I am a firm believer that we can all find our G-spots; it just takes time, practice and trust in our lover.

You have asked an excellent question about the ejaculate that comes out during a G-spot orgasm. Many women who experience this ejaculate are fearful that they are peeing the bed. However, there have been studies done on it and it is similar to seminal fluid, it just obviously doesn’t have the semen in it. While the ejaculate does come from the urethra (the same place that we pee from), it is very different than urine. You will find that it has a sweet scent (as opposed to the pungent smell of urine), it is clear (rather than yellow), and it won’t stain the bed sheets. There can, however, be quite a bit of fluid that comes out, so make sure you have towels handy if you don’t want to soak the bed.

As for that last part…life’s not fair! We get multiple orgasms and you don’t have to go through childbirth.  Grass is always greener on the other side my friend…

Again, thanks for such a great question!

Warmly,

Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

ED in Newlyweds

Dear Eryn-Faye,

As a newlywed wife my husband experienced E.D. (he is only 47) on our honeymoon and the problem has cont’d, specifically the inability to maintain the erection. We have tried all the meds out there, we are now exploring injection and it has worked better. Nonetheless, the doctor basically assessed that my husband does not have a physical problem but that it was mental. As a wife, I do not fit in the category of a passive, sexual partner. Rather I am more assertive, have lots of desire but am turned off with the E.D. and my husband knows it. He has said that I “shoot him down”. Please help. We have been married a little over one year.

Let me begin by saying that my heart goes out to you during this painful and difficult time. The first year of marriage often brings issues to light which can feel overwhelming, particularly when they are of a sexual nature. Please allow me to offer you some resources which might help your specific circumstances.

First of all, I encourage you to continue to work with your doctors to find a medical or psychological answer to what you are facing in your sexual relationship. They will have knowledge of the most recent therapies that are available that would be suitable to your circumstances and your husband’s state of health. As you are pursuing that avenue, here are a few other suggestions:

On the Ask Eryn-Faye section of my website, I have answered a question which pertains to erectile difficulties and there might be some helpful information there.  While the couple who wrote in were older than you and your husband, you might find the principles of the article to be helpful. As an encouragement to you, 47 isn’t too young to be dealing with erectile difficulties; in fact, I coached one couple in their 20’s who were dealing with this issue.

No matter what age they are, every man wants to be the superhero in the bedroom and losing that ability strikes deeply at their ego. It is crucial right now that your actions do not exacerbate an already complicated issue by making your husband feel more inadequate than he is already feeling. In fact, if the problem is indeed psychological then the tension that the two of you are experiencing over the matter is going to aggravate it. Maintaining sexual intimacy (even if you cannot have penetration) is very important during this stage. If your husband is initiating sex, then by all means – take him up on the offer!  But as a woman who identifies as assertive, you as well can (and should) communicate your desire for him by instigating sexual intimacy and/or activity.

If he cannot experience or maintain an erection, then allow him to pleasure you in other ways. Experiment with different ways to achieve orgasm (manual, oral, etc.). If you are a woman who needs to have something inside of her to feel that your sexual experience is “complete”, then ask him to use his fingers or a bedroom toy. Channel all that desire that you have into building your sexual relationship even if it looks different than what you had envisioned.

Finally, it is important to prevent the issue of sexual dysfunction from overtaking all aspects of your relationship. Obviously, there was something about your husband that caused you to fall in love and marry him, so focus on those areas and build on them so that they grow deeper as you both seek solutions to address the erectile difficulties.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me with this very important question. It is very important that you feel the freedom to ask questions, as asking questions is an important way to see your relationship with your husband grow and deepen. If you have any further questions or comments, I would love to hear from you again!!

Warmly,
Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

Talking to my 5 year old…

Dear Eryn-Faye,

I really appreciate your what you are offering couples, families and individuals.

My wife and I are looking for some ideas/ advice about how to talk to our daughter.

She is 5 years old and for about 2 years (since she was about 3) we have noticed at times when she is bored/ alone in her room (as she has a younger brother who is 2 years younger), she “humps” her pillow or teddy bear. At first we thought nothing of it, and then we noticed that she would get quite red in the cheeks and was quite worked up. When we inquired what she was doing, she said it felt good. Understanding a bit about the way we’re built, we could see she was stimulating herself, and it felt good. This behavior has seemed to decrease (maybe we see her doing it once a month), but is still consistent to when she is in her room and “bored.”

I know there may be many thoughts on masturbation (which this might be defined as, but I would probably lean toward the definition of self-exploration, as she’s only 5).

So I struggle with dealing with her behavior or trying to figure out what to say, without making her think that her sexual feelings are bad (which I’m sure she doesn’t think these are sexual feelings).

How do we as a couple talk address this issue with her?

Advice? Books to read?

Allow me to say that I appreciate that you have decided to write, because it demonstrates that you are taking your role as a parent very seriously!

You have a wonderful opening to speak with your daughter about healthy sexuality. These conversations should take place throughout the rearing of the child in an age-appropriate manner, beginning with basic knowledge such as the proper names for anatomy and going from there. Most experts will tell us that if you have not initiated the concept of sexuality to your kids early on, they will hear about it on the playground from other children (albeit a very convoluted version). Proactive parents will take control of the message so that this topic is accurately presented to their children. I believe that, as parents, we have an amazing message to communicate to our children about how we were made.

The body is a magnificent design, and it is understandable and natural that we want to explore it. It is very common for little girls to “hump” things. I had one coaching client relay to me that her (probably very embarrassed) parents had to drag her out of church one day because she wouldn’t stop humping the church pew! (I bet you are breathing a sigh of relief right now that you aren’t dealing with that one!)  But I tell that anecdote mainly to let you know that your daughter is completely normal and that this is fairly ordinary behaviour.  We simply don’t talk about it publicly too often which can lead to concerns such as what you have.

As far as things you can do as a parent, considering your daughter’s age, you can explain that it is acceptable for her to explore in private but not in public. We use this same reasoning when we explain why we cover the areas of a bathing suit because these are the parts of our bodies that belong only to us and need to be kept private (understanding, of course, that mommy and daddy and doctors might touch those areas for health/hygiene reasons). Not only are you able to set the foundation for a series of conversations about sexuality and create a sense of openness about this topic but you will also be setting the groundwork for appropriate touch and “stranger-danger” conversations with your daughter.

I would also recommend that you and your wife construct your answer to THE QUESTION right now. (Meaning, “Where do babies come from?” or “What is sex?”) Decide together what you are going to say, and practice it together if this makes you more comfortable. At your daughter’s age, it is best to keep your answer simple, and having a book to illustrate your conversation is extremely helpful especially if some (or all) of these terms are new to your daughter.  Amazing You! Getting Smart about Your Private Parts by Gail Saltz and Lynne Avril Cravath is an excellent resource for your daughter’s age.  You can find it on Amazon here.

And the website Talking with Kids has some helpful hints on these discussions as well.

As a parent myself, I want to encourage you again.  Your desire to be proactive in your daughter’s life is exceptional.  Taking the time to ask questions -even when they are seen as “awkward” - is indicative of how seriously you take your parenting duties.  You have my deepest respect.  I wish that all parents were so willing to seek help and advice.

I hope you find these resources helpful! If you have any further questions or feedback for other parents, please feel free to write back at any time!

Warmly,
Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

Too Old to Play?

Dear Eryn-Faye,

My partner is 75 years old and he has not had regular sex for quite a few years. He is having a problem having a strong erection and gets frustrated easily by this even though I do not put pressure on him to perform. I love him and would like to have a strong sex life but I am unsure of what to do to get him feeling more comfortable. Is there any age where men or women feel that sex is not part of there lives anymore?

The issue that you are experiencing is very common. As men age, they have increased difficulties with having and maintaining an erection. This is obviously an issue as we are having sex later and later in life. In my years as a Passion Coach, I have never met someone who was too old to have sex! The logistics may be a bit more complicated than when we were younger, but the interest and desire for intimacy is still there!

Allow me to give you a few suggestions that you and your partner can try together. First, if he is able to achieve erection, then you could use a “C-Ring” to help him maintain the erection. This item is a stretchy ring, usually made from silicone, which is placed around the base of the penis once it is erect. As the blood flow into the penis is restricted, it stays erect for longer. They are sometimes sold at drug stores or your can order them online. Here is a link to a company which sells C-Rings. You can order them in the privacy of your own home and they are delivered in plain packaging for your privacy and confidentiality.

* See the “Magic Rings” or the “Intimacy Enhancer”

For a complete explanation of how to put them on, how long to use them, etc., please visit this link.

A second suggestion is for your partner to visit his doctor. In these situations, doctors often prescribe a drug such as Viagra which can help men experience and maintain erection. This can be a very satisfying solution for couples.

Finally, allow me to speak to your comment about not wanting to put pressure on your partner. As I am sure you are aware, sometimes this issue is very difficult for men to talk about. A lot of their masculinity is tied up in their ability to “perform” and when this is waning, it can strike deep at the core of their identity. For tips on how to how to talk about this subject, this link has some excellent information: http://www.allabouted.com/english/relationships/partner.html.

Thank you for writing in to us. If you have any other questions, or just want to comment, I would love to hear from you again!

Sincerely,

Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

Co-dependent Issues

Dear Eryn-Faye,

My question is how to handle a co-dependent relationship issue.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and my boyfriend won’t let me keep anything at his place or introduce me to his parents. Exceptions are toothbrush, toothpaste and shampoo. This took almost a year before I was permitted to leave these basic items at his home.

To say my boyfriend is territorial and defensive is an understatement.

My boyfriend says that he is protecting his mother and has had negative experiences in the past and does not want to cause her anymore stress from relationships that could possibly fail.

Furthermore, my boyfriend has asked me to marry him during sex and then afterwards, once back to reality, he changes his mind. He says that saying things like “he wants to marry me” heightens his sexual experience and that I take things too seriously. I am beginning to resent his lack of empathy for my feelings.

I love many things about my boyfriend and am perplexed in how to address these issues without causing a big argument.

I feel disposable in the relationship when my boyfriend treats me this way.

I have tried to address these issues with him and am at my wits end….

Suggestions are more than welcome…

Let me begin by saying that my heart goes out to you right now. I can understand that you are frustrated and need some outside insight on your situation!

In my practice, I often speak with couples about the three “C’s” - commitment, communication, and consummation (aka sex). These elements provide the foundation for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. If you are weak or lacking in one or more areas, then the entirety of your relationship is in jeopardy.

Commitment is the element which binds the couple together through thick and thin. It is not only the decision that “I am with this person”, but also the decision to make healthy sacrifices for your partner because you recognize their individual value. As we deepen our commitment, we realize that our own selfishness is a hindrance to our relationship and with it we will not grow as a couple. The tricky part about commitment is that both parties have to be on board. If one partner is constantly sacrificing for the other out of fear of making the other partner mad, or starting a huge fight, or being left by their partner, then there is a breakdown in the whole system.

Communication is the freedom to express what we are feeling and thinking with our partner without the fear of retribution. It is how we let that person really get to know who we are - our likes and dislikes, why we react a certain way, what our dreams are for our lives. It is also the way we do check-ups on our relationship - are we meeting each other’s needs, are we showing love to our partner in a manner that they understand, how can we work to correct the issue that we are facing together in our relationship.

Your boyfriend’s lack of desire or willingness to fully incorporate you into his life and his blatant lack of regard for your feelings lead me to think that he is not willing to develop the commitment or communication part of your relationship. I was horrified by his explanation for saying he wants to marry you during sex as just to “heighten his sexual experience.” (By the way, I did mention this situation to a few of my male colleagues, just to get a male perspective on your boyfriend, and they were all equally as horrified.) The general consensus was that his actions and comments do not reflect someone who is interested in a healthy relationship.

I am also concerned that you might be struggling with some underlining self-esteem issues which are the source of why you allow your boyfriend to treat you in such a manner. A counselor will help you understand your worth as a person, break patterns that you might have which lead you into unhealthy relationships, and shed light on ways that you can develop healthy relationships with people who value and respect you.

I realize that this is “messy” and maybe it is not what you wanted to hear from me. However, I would love to be here for you as you walk through these issues, and I welcome any further questions that you have. Please feel free to write back at any time!

Warmly,

Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

New at This

This question is about sexual intimacy in the marriage bed and is very descriptive ( I am a newly wed, and am very NEW at all this).

My question is simple - as a wife, I would like to have oral sex with my husband. but I am uncomfortable with the odors I have in my private parts, so I have refused him access to that area. I would like to offer this gift to him, so what products (edible oils, cleaning products) do you suggest I use to get rid of these odors?

I hope that wasn’t out of topic. I am new to this site, and I have not had the courage to ask this question to anyone so far…Thanks for your prompt reply!

Let me start by saying that I applaud you for having the courage to write this email, especially as you have just recently been married! Any questions about sex are extremely sensitive, and sometimes it is difficult to know who to ask. I have coached hundreds of women in the areas of passion, sensuality, and sexuality, and let me assure you that your question is very common - many women are nervous about the odors that they have in their genital area and this impacts their impression of oral sex.

Let me start answering your question by saying that very often, men are far less concerned about our odors than we are! We, as women, are very critical about our bodies (how they look, how they smell, how they taste, etc.) and this can impede the intimacy we have with our husbands. However, they usually don’t care at all - they are just ecstatic that we chose to be with them!

I would suggest that you take a shower or bath before you want to have oral sex with your husband. If you are planning to return the favour, ask him to do the same. In fact, showering together and soaping each other down might be a great way to start the foreplay! And while plain ole’ soap will do wonders to freshen both of you up, you could also use a scented body wash that both of you like. I personally think the Body Shop has an amazing line.

Another product that has a great reputation is called D’Lickious. This edible lotion can be put on his penis or your clitoral area (but do not put such items inside the vagina), and enhances oral sex by giving a warming or cooling sensation. As it is an edible, it also helps divert attention from any odors.

Finally, it is important to remember that oral sex, like all types of sex, is a skill set. It takes time of develop and perfect your technique. As you and your husband explore and discover what you each enjoy, you will expand this aspect of your sexual relationship and deepen the intimacy between the two of you.

If you have any other questions, please write again! In the meantime, enjoy your new explorations!!

Sincerely,

Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

First Time

Dear Eryn-Faye,

My fiancee and I are both virgins. We are waiting until marriage. We would like our first time to be natural (i.e. no condom/ interference with contact) but also do not want to get pregnant. She has medical conditions that prevent her from being on any pill/insert/hormonal supplement. We would not mind bringing in condoms after the first time. Any advice?

I totally understand your desire to have the first time feel as natural as possible. However, there is no way to guarantee that you won’t get pregnant. Even though using a condom is not 100% accurate, it is the best option when you cannot use the other methods (the pill, the patch, the shot, the IUD, the ring, etc.). You will raise the risk of pregnancy significantly if you choose not to use a condom. You could look into a spermicidal lubricant so that you are not completely unprotected, but this is certainly not fool-proof and you could easily get pregnant on your wedding night. If you do choose this option, have your fiancée apply it as a “test run” before your wedding night to ensure that she is not allergic to any of the ingredients in it. Ultimately, the two of you need to make the decision together as to what is more important - protecting against pregnancy or having a “natural” experience - because you can’t be guaranteed to have both at once.

But as a professional, who has coached hundreds of people in the area of sexuality, please allow me to give you a few pointers which you might find helpful. Oftentimes, we have preconceived (and incorrect) notions of what sex will be like before we actually engage in it. Understanding the realities beforehand greatly increases our chances of enjoying that first experience.

1. Most men, when they have not had sex before their wedding night, experience orgasm very quickly. This will not be a contentious issue if both of you are have realistic expectations on your wedding night. Having a condom on actually helps you have longer staying power, which will be helpful to your bride’s enjoyment of the experience. Just a thought.
2. Take a lubricant on your honeymoon. The ability to lubricate to the extent needed varies from woman to woman, and having a lubricant on hand will greatly increase her comfort and therefore enjoyment. I am a fan of water-based lubricants as they are the easiest to clean up, but feel free to find what works for you.  Here are some choices.
3. Encourage your fiancée to go to the doctor a few months before the big day, tell him/her that she is a virgin and about to have sex for the first time. If the doctor sees that she is particularly small, there are ways for her to stretch herself in preparation for you. While this might seem a bit embarrassing right now, trust me, it is so much better than her being in a lot of pain the first time (or first week or even first month) that you have sex!!
4. Read up on the female orgasm!   The male orgasm is far less complex than the female orgasm. Fewer than 30% of women have an orgasm through vaginal penetration alone - the vast majority of women need stimulation on the clitoris in order to orgasm. Allowing your bride to “go first” will increase the chances of sufficient lubrication, allow her to be more relaxed, and ensure that both of you will be satisfied. If she doesn’t have an orgasm on that first night, don’t worry! The two of you have a lifetime together to figure it all out. (However, do write me back - or have her write me - so that I can give you some tips and suggestions for that department!)
5. Be prepared for a clean up afterwards! Bring a hand towel, or box of Kleenex to bed with you so that you don’t have to sleep in the “wet spot” your first night together. Besides, great sex often requires a shower afterwards!

I realize that my answer goes beyond what you were asking originally, but I would love for the two of you to have the very best experience possible on your wedding night. Remember that sex is not a “gifting” that some people are endowed with and others are not. Instead, think of it as a skill set that the two of you will learn and perfect over time together. I would love to hear from you again (and your fiancée too) if you have any further comments or questions!!

Sincerely,

Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

Losing the Spark

Dear Eryn-Faye,

My husband and I have been married 40 years and in our early sixties. Five years ago our mom and pop business of 10 yrs went bankrupt and have done nothing since job-wise. Now one of us is getting a small pension, and we struggle to get by.  There is almost zero conversation between us, and we have nothing in common except for two married children who live.  I feel very alone much of the time. My husband does not like company so I never invite people over to save embarrassment. What to do–I have tried several approaches but almost anything I say–I get “oh woman” and remarks like that.  We are both educated but my level of confidence has gone down the drain and am depressed — Both have health problems which does not help.  For me-sex has become a task–help please!

As I read your email, a few thoughts came to mind. First of all, congratulations on having 40 years of marriage! That is quite a feat in this day in age! Sustaining a marriage takes work, and you have obviously been very committed to your husband.

From what you have written, it sounds like you are feeling quite isolated and alone. I would love to see you break out of this cycle and develop some friendships. If your husband does not like company at the house, then find it outside of the house. Here are a few suggestions of things you can try:

1. Join a club. There are lots of organizations which are focused on social responsibility and volunteerism, such as the Lion’s Club. They are great avenues to serving your community as well as building personal relationships. Likewise, there are clubs which are formed around a common hobby, such as quilting, running, or reading.
2. Become a volunteer. Non profit organizations are always looking for help to achieve their mandates. For example, you could check out your local food bank, children’s hospital, or home for abused women.
3. Join a church group. Many larger churches have groups which meet throughout the week to meet the needs of their parishioners. These groups are often organized into age categories, or common interests, etc.
4. Get a part-time job. You will need to check to see if this is an option given the fact that you are on a pension (sometimes working violates the conditions of the pension and is therefore not a good idea). Even if you are flipping burgers, you will be making a little bit of money (which will help on the home front) as well as connecting with the world around you. Don’t let your age get in the way - many people in their sixties are realizing that youth is just a state of mind and that they are too young to retire!

You might be asking yourself - how will any of this help my marriage? For a few reasons: first and foremost, the weight of being your only companion is very heavy for your husband to bear. Even if you are very involved with your children, having friends outside of your family helps you continue to grow as an individual and that will bring new life into your family relationships. Along those lines, men really don’t like to talk as much as women do. Biologically, they are “built” very differently than us, and they are very uncomfortable with the level of communication that we need. If you can create relationships with other women, you will find your need for communication much better satiated that expecting your husband to meet 100% of those needs for you. If you would like some books to read on this subject, Dr. Scott Haltzman’s books The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happily Married Men and are both excellent resources.

Feelings of isolation and depression, as well as stress about finances, are all challenges to the intimacy of a marriage. It is not surprising that sex feels like a chore for you! As women, we reach out sexually when our emotional needs are being met. And for men, it is the opposite - when their sexual needs are met, they can reach out emotionally. So, continue to make sex a priority (I can give you a list of tips and suggestions to make it fun if you would like!), but branch out beyond your home to build friendships too.

I would love to hear back from you as you try new things and explore your options! Please write again to update me or ask new questions!

Sincerely,

Eryn-Faye, Passion Coach

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