What your sex life can learn from the Olympics

Last weekend Eric and I had our kid-free weekend. (We swap weekends with another couple so that every other month, we get a weekend alone. I highly recommend it!) This month’s question: What do you do when your child is taken care of? Go to the Olympics, of course!!

There are a dozen things I could share with you about my Olympic experience that you can apply to your sex life. The aerials alone should make you stop and pause. But here is the thing that struck me the most profoundly: the efficiency.

Everywhere we went, Olympic committee had thought ahead and anticipated the questions that people would ask and the things they would need. Trying to get to the flame? People were stationed in life-guard towers at every corner giving directions so that the crowds moved along quickly and without confusion. Not sure how this long line translates into actual waiting minutes? There was someone there to tell you. Turns out that line that looks like half an hour long is only ten minutes. Who knew!? Got someone trying to budge in line and pretending they are just lost? A security person would magically appear and graciously point them to the end of the line.

In essence, they had simplified the process. Considering the glut of people who had descended on the city and the chaos that could have ensued, people where happy and cheerful because (even when they were squashed like sardines on the Skytrain) their needs had been anticipated and met.

Often in long term relationships, we allow the swell of the details in our life to derail our intimacy with our lovers. In the clutter and chaos, our time together dissolves into two tired people zoning out to a TV show. But what if we could anticipate our spouse’s needs and then streamline our life so they are better met? Sex doesn’t just magically happen once you have been married for a few years. You have to clear things out of the way for it to happen.

What do you need to simplify in your life so that sex is more possible? What do you need to eliminate, delegate or ask for help on so that it can happen? What needs does your spouse have that you need to anticipate and meet? What systems are you going to put in place to make that possible?

Sitting with a bull-horn on a life-guard stand is probably not the solution, but you get the idea!  Share some of your ideas!

Mix a Sexy Love Chemical Cocktail

In my last guest post, I explained the brain chemistry behind romance and committed love. You can read it here. Now. Let’s talk about how you can use this knowledge to add sparkle to your relationship.

Here’s the recipe:

2 parts novelty (dopamine)

1 part danger (adrenaline)

1 part sensuality (oxytocin)

Shake it up really well, and then enjoy it together.

These are the three ingredients you need for your love chemical cocktail:

Novel sensory stimuli: I know, you’ve been told before to light scented candles and take a bubble bath together. Actually, this is a recipe for boring sex. One thing that attracts man and woman is otherness, so when you envelop him in feminine scents, he loses his focus on you as the Other, while he may seem less manly to you. Besides, that bubble bath may relax you but it will knock him out. Instead, go for a stimulating stew of unfamiliar sights, sounds, smells and tastes that will stimulate dopamine. Hit an ethnic enclave to enjoy a cuisine you’ve never tried, and then walk the streets or stop into a club. Spicy food is a plus, because the fire of the chili stimulates a bit of stress response. (Just don’t get indigestion, that will spoil the night.)

Danger: There’s a reason why people who’ve been through a disaster together often fall in love or become lifelong friends. Fear stimulates adrenaline, that potent liquor of romance. In addition, men’s desire to bond seems to be somewhat dependent on vasopressin, a chemical like oxytocin that triggers protective behaviors. So, do something together that feels dangerous. You both need to really get outside your comfort zone. Fire-walk or go zip-lining. If you’re not the physically adventurous type, put yourself into social danger. Crash a party or take an improv class. Even if you don’t enjoy the actual experience, the jolt of adrenaline will jazz you both up.

Sensuality: You don’t need to reject the deep oxytocin connection you share. Instead, honor it. Nature designed our bodies to link sex and connection. Not only is oxytocin released at orgasm, it’s also responsible for engorgement. After you’re revved up and in the mood for pleasure, thanks to adrenaline and dopamine, it’s time to set off some sparks. I’m not talking about jumping into bed, I’m talking about a continuum of physical contact that moves from sensual to sexual. Remember how the anticipation of reward is so, well, rewarding? And how novel stimuli increase levels of dopamine? Set aside enough time to get to know each other physically in a new way and to let interest and excitement build. Promise each other an orgasm. You can begin talking about what you’d like to do or simply hold hands. Shoot for 65 percent anticipation and only 35 percent activation. As you move into more intimate gestures, this is not the time to fall back on your tried-and-true sexual practice. It is the time to try something kinky or just different, if you’ve always wanted to. But don’t feel pressure to be inventive, simply let excitement and enjoyment build in a way that feels right to both of you.

Hone your love mixology skills and enjoy the intoxication of love all over again!

Susan Kuchinskas is the author of The Chemistry of Connection: How the oxytocin response can help you find trust, intimacy and love. She blogs about love, trust and oxytocin at Hug the Monkey.

Email her at susan at chemistryofconnection dot com.

Love Those Love Chemicals

Wouldn’t it be great if there were a pill that could fire up you marriage? No, I am not talking about that little blue pill. I mean a drug that could bring back the passionate excitement you felt when you first met your mate.

Big Pharma doesn’t have anything like that in the works, but you can make your own passion-power drug at home, using that amazing chemical factory known as your brain. I’m not talking about alcohol, I’m talking about your body’s natural intoxicants, the brain chemicals that can bring you both to new heights of attraction and connection.

Before I explain how to become a brain-chemical barista, let’s talk about what’s happening in your brain when the chemistry between you and your mate goes from wow to whatever.

Those things we call feelings or emotions are the result of small changes in the chemicals flowing through our bloodstreams and circulating in our brains. The chemical composition can easily tilt as the result of outside stimuli, like a kind word or a bumped shin, and it can be shaped by our thoughts, as well.

After years of marriage, the neurochemical balance inevitably tilts toward an abundance of oxytocin, the chemical of nesting. Oxytocin is released in the brain in response at times when we’re near people we know and trust. It’s nicknamed the cuddle hormone because it seems to produce that calm, peaceful, connected feeling.

You could say that oxytocin is the chemical of committed love. Romantic passion, however, seems to be fueled by a combination of dopamine and adrenaline. Dopamine is the chemical of reward-seeking. Dopamine impels us to go after a reward, and at the same time, it tingles the brain’s pleasure centers. In fact, seeking a reward feels better than actually obtaining it. This was nature’s way of making sure we got off our butts each morning to climb that tree in search of more fruit.

Adrenaline, which is also part of the fight-or-flight response, gives us extra energy and puts all our senses on high alert. It gives that speedy, do-anything flavor to romance.

The oxytocin-based feeling of safety, comfort and connection in the home you’ve made together is one of the lovely things about marriage or cohabitation. But it’s not exciting; it’s not sexy. And humans have a powerful need for novelty and excitement. This is probably a leftover from the days when we ranged over the savannahs, hunting for food. You two don’t need to hunt for a mate, but you do need to get more adrenaline and dopamine into your relationship.

What’s the flavor of your domestic brew? Is it a bland milkshake or a cup of bitter tea? Shake it into a fun cocktail with a parasol in it or a top-shelf martini, even if you don’t drink. In part two, I’ll give you the recipe and instructions for your sexy love cocktail.

Susan Kuchinskas is the author of The Chemistry of Connection: How the oxytocin response can help you find trust, intimacy and love. She blogs about love, trust and oxytocin at Hug the Monkey.

Email her at susan at chemistryofconnection dot com.

Guest Writer - Susan Kuchinskas

Next week we have a real treat!  A 2 part series on “Love Chemicals” by renown author and expert Susan Kuchinskas.  She will be sharing her expertise with us - helping us understand the connections between the brain and our emotions.

Susan Kuchinskas is the author of The Chemistry of Connection: How the Oxytocin Response Can Help You Find Trust, Intimacy, and Love, combining cutting-edge research from neuroscience, psychology and biology to offer a full understanding of love — and how to get more of it.

Her radio and TV appearances include Mornings with Mike & Juliet, The View from the Bay, and Michael Roizen’s You the Owners Manual Radio Show.

She writes the blog Hug the Monkey, which is now recognized as one of the most authoritative sources for information on oxytocin on the web.

What is Sexy? Guest Post by Laura North

It all started with a question from the back seat of the minivan. “Mommy, what is sexy?” We had been discussing licence plates and how I remembered mine which ends with AVS. I had created an acronym about my husband: Andrew’s Very Sexy. Thus, the question.

Instantly, I remembered my confusion as a child about that word sexy as I watched a television show with Rod Stewart prancing about the stage with spiked hair and tight leather pants singing:

If you want my body and you think I’m sexy
Come on, sugar, let me know
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so

So yes! What is sexy?

Thankfully, I remembered and repeated a quote I had read in a book from a mother who  when asked the same question by her 5 year old she said, “Sexy is when it feels good to be in your own skin. Your own body feels right, it feels comfortable. Sexy is when you love being you. Because it all starts with being sexy on the inside.”

My daughter was satisfied and I got curious.

A few days later, the aforementioned sexy husband and I headed away for the weekend and I placed the question on the table for discussion. That question has begun a month long theme of ‘What is sexy?’ As a life coach I am all about questions…good questions. The kind of questions that linger in one’s awareness like perfume or cologne long after the date is over.   I am not always about finding the answers because once you do…. you stop looking, discovering, growing. Often I think, we are meant to live the questions. I want to live ‘What is ’sexy?’ for a long time.

So, we discussed the obvious physical attributes but then kept going looking at the wider definition. Almost every day since the question was posed we have delved deeper….how sexy is defined during different season of life, busting cliches like sexy is taking out the garbage and looking at the even bigger question for ourselves, ‘Am I sexy?’

It is amazing once a word is in your awareness how it shows up everywhere. A movie director client described her job as sexy, a salesman eagerly attributes sexiness to the red sports car he is selling and I even overheard a discussion commenting on a new sexy computer software program.

Sexy describes a life force. As Kris Carr named her documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer and subsequent website Crazy Sexy Life, she attribute the word sexy to an intrinsic  force within all of us.

When I begin a coaching partnership with a new client I often start by having them read the famous quote by Marianne Williamson and underline one or two sentences that have particular significance to them:

‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.’

Sexy is not a word in the quote but it could be. Who are you to be sexy? I believe if I gave a group of men and women a list of 100 words and asked them to pick 10 words to describe themselves that sexy would rarely be chosen. Sexiness is powerful. It can attract what we don’t want as much as what we do. It connects us to a powerful force that can have us feel like we are riding a thoroughbred…and we have not finished jockey training school. Or it causes us to face the some truth about our attractiveness and worse than being sexy is the fear of being vain, conceited or self-centered. To truly own the word we have to come to terms a part of ourselves that can feel both vulnerable and potent.

So in an act of curiosity and simply research for this article I invited others into the question.  I asked several groups of people “How would you answer the question, ‘What is sexy?’”

Some laughed nervously and changed the topic, from some I got radio silence, but all in all an overwhelming response.

It seems I am not the only one intrigued to define and explore this word that has so much power, magnetism and energy. It appears to be a loaded question and yet even in our over-sexed culture…very difficult to define.

Several people gave one word or simple answers:

• Confidence
• Enthusiasm
• Tool-belt
• A smile
• Joie de vivre
• A peek of skin
• Sparkly eyes
• Stubble
• A long pony tail that swings when she walks.
• A pregnant woman in a bikini.
• The sensation of all the senses.
• Nothing but a Canucks jersey.
• Sexy comes from within when you are reminded that you are… beautiful!
• Sexy is feeling like the most amazing person in the world whether I’m dressed up to the nines or wearing sweatpants and a tee!
• I feel sexiest when my mind is touching someone else’s.
• A woman ’showing off’ her body without ’showing too much’ is incredibly sexy.
• It is the look that is unaware of the presence of anyone else.

Others had a lot more to say:

• What is sexy? Well, if you mean, ‘what does the word sexy mean’, then sexy is anything that inspires sexual interest and feeling. But what inspires sexual interest and feeling? Used to be tequila or beer kegs. Has also been the power of making someone want me - that was damned sexy. For a time, another’s disinterest could be sexy. Sometimes being attractive to others made another person sexy - their very desired-ness was sexy to me.

• What is sexy? I was shocked that my brain went numb when I asked myself this question. What do I find sexy? Still numb. The short answer is that I think I find individuals that have the quiet self assurance  that comes from being authentic, sexy. There also needs to be some level of health. Too much coughing and complaining is not sexy!!

• I’ve been thinking about “sexy” the last couple of days and my definition for myself is that I often feel sexy when I am wearing  clothes that make me strut just a little. It is my husband who helped me be more fully aware of what it means to be a woman, what it means to be sexy.  His delights  in my body and my sexiness.

• Thank you for your question!  We talked about it for awhile but over the course of the conversation we got <ahem> distracted! <wink>

• If we are to believe what the media pumps out about “what is sexy”, it’s reserved for the young perfect few.  It has been said that the brain is the biggest sex organ in the body next to the skin.  Sexy is a state of mind for me not what I look like.  I am sexy because the love in my life makes me so. I am allowed to be myself (including flaws) and I am loved.  Love allows me to be confident.

• ‘Sexy’ is knowing that you are desirable to others.  Sometimes that is in a physical way, but it can also be on an emotional, intellectual or even spiritual level.  It is knowing that others want to connect with you, and that in some way, you are very attractive to them.

• Sexy is an individual definition based on the eyes and heart of another person. It is also a definition you can hold for yourself about yourself.  You can choose that perspective, no matter what your body shape

• If I were explaining it to my 3 year old daughters I would say:  ”Sexy is when you feel a certain way.  It’s partly about the way you say your words, the way you wiggle and spin, the way you whisper and smile.  God made you a girl, a beautiful girl and I love it when you announce to me, ‘I’m bootiful!’ That is sexy.”

Reflecting on God, I am always fascinated to think about all of the things God didn’t have to create…colour, music, taste, laughter, nipples on men.  And what about sexuality…..Maybe God could have given the baby delivery job to the storks after all.  Procreation aside, why is sexuality essential to our existence? To our relationships? To ourselves?

Our view of sex, sexy, and sexual energy can be so extremely narrow. The truth is that we struggle in our connection with the earth, with each other and with ourselves. Our sexuality is our awareness that we are separate and our sexuality is all about all the ways we go about trying to connect.

In Rob Bell’s book, Sex God, he raises some interesting points paraphrased here:

For many, sexuality is simply what happens between two people involving physical pleasure. But that’s only a small percentage of what sexuality is. Music, for example,  is powerful because it connects us…it is sexual. We generally don’t think of it in those terms but it is true. Certain communal events draws us together into something bigger than the event itself…we are connected…the way it is supposed  to be; a run for a common cause, a concert, a rally, a church service. Our sexuality is all of the ways we strive to reconnect with our world, with each other, and with God. This why places like the red light district in Amsterdam are so sexually repressed. Lots of physical interaction and no connection. Lust comes from a deep lack of satisfaction with life. Lust says, “If you just have this everything would be fine.” Lust promises what it can’t deliver.

Sexuality in its purest form offers us acceptance of ourselves, others and God…..which is the greatest connection there is.

So when our sexuality is defined by what we are made for (connection) and what is possible (acceptance) then ’sexy’  becomes an invitation to connect as we are meant to.

So what happens when you ask yourself the question, ‘What is sexy?’

Can you say that you are sexy? Why or why not?

What would happen if you did?

So as the Olympic spirit descends on Vancouver, BC here is the essence of sexy fun by Evgeni Plushenko, 2006 Winter Olympics Gold medalist.

_____________________________________________________________________________

LAURA NORTH, CPCC
Certified Professional Co-Active Coach
www.truenorthcoaching.com

Laura is a bold and intuitive coach certified through The Coaches Training Institute. She is an excellent communicator who has assisted many in overcoming personal and professional challenges. Laura believes that when we struggle to find the answers to our questions perhaps we need to look at the questions we are asking.

Like most of us, Laura’s most profound learning has been taught by life itself. As a cancer survivor (Hodgkin’s Disease) at the age of 19, Laura knows what it means to fight for your life. Her strength is supporting others to clarify what they want, identify obstacles (real or imaginary) create a plan and then get moving.

After fifteen years in Education she describes that time in her life as one of the most exhausting, yet most fulfilling. “I learned more about life, relationships and discovering who I was during those years. Children are wise and gifted teachers” says Laura.

Laura’s greatest longing is for people to know deeply who they are…..beloved children of a loving God. She does not market herself as a ‘Christian Coach” as she loves to ask all people questions to have them seek for truth and watch God show up in beautifully intimate ways just where they are.

As the founder of True North Coaching in the late nineties, she is one of Vancouver’s first certified professional coaches. She attracts a wide variety of clients locally and internationally and is a celebrated speaker and workshop leader. Laura lives in Vancouver, Canada with her husband of 20 years and two young children.

Tart Boutique - Deliciously Sexy

Yesterday, our family was wandering around one of our favourite places in the world - Granville Island.  We go there to stock up on fresh fruit, vegetables, pasta and seafood. We go to buy Riley strawberry gelato. We go to watch the performers juggle and sing and mime. We go to look at fine art. We go for the fabulous coffee. And we go to get pooped on by the seagulls and pigeons that swarm the place. (Riley was the target this trip.) It is, without a doubt, one of the finest places to experience the joy of living.

As we meandered around, I noticed that a new store had opened up. The name of the store caught my eye because it had been recommended to me by a friend when it was at another location. Since it used to be located in the heart of downtown Vancouver, I had not yet had a chance to visit it but had carried the business card around in my wallet for months. Then, voilla, there it was relocated to Granville Island!

I sent Eric and Riley to check out another part of the island while I perused the place. I have to say that it was the most delightful “adult” store I have ever entered. Tart Boutique barrages the senses with elegance, sophistication and sensuality. Their tag line - deliciously sexy - truly captures the essence of the store. The boutique has products which range from classy cuff links for men, to stylish hats, to beautiful clothing, to corsets.

And of course, they have bedroom toys as well. However, the toys are all sculpted to look like works of art. (I know - it is amazing that someone finally figured out how to bring pleasure without looking like a body part.) The boxes which line the shelves are white with the brand name displayed - a far cry from the stereotypical packaging which has a picture of a busty woman on the front.

In fact, the place is so classy that a child could easily enter the store and leave with her innocence completely intact. Not that you need to take your kids - in fact, the experience will be much more pleasurable if you leave them at home. But the fact that they are welcome, because the goods of the store are so tastefully and discreetly displayed, speaks volumes for the boutique.

So often, when looking through “adult” stores, it is impossible to escape the seedy feeling. It is true that some stores are doing better at reaching an audience that wants to be sensual without being sleazy. However, Tart far surpassed the competition. In fact, they are in a league of their own.

So, if you are visiting Granville Island, I recommend that you pay them a visit. I certainly will be going back!

Guest Writer - Laura North

Next Week - Certified Professional Co-Active Coach LAURA NORTH tangles with the age old question, “What is Sexy?”  and how did Justin Timeberlake bring it back?  Okay, so maybe not that last part…

But all of us wrestle with this concept at sometime in our life.  We all use the word.  We’ve all heard it used in various settings that seemingly have nothing to do with sex.  SO what is “sexy”?  Tune in next week as Laura North walks us through her own exploration of this question!

LAURA NORTH, CPCC
Certified Professional Co-Active Coach
www.truenorthcoaching.com

Laura is a bold and intuitive coach certified through The Coaches Training Institute. She
is an excellent communicator who has assisted many in overcoming personal and
professional challenges. Laura believes that when we struggle to find the answers to our
questions perhaps we need to look at the questions we are asking.

Like most of us, Laura’s most profound learning has been taught by life itself. As a
cancer survivor (Hodgkin’s Disease) at the age of 19, Laura knows what it means to fight
for your life. Her strength is supporting others to clarify what they want, identify obstacles
(real or imaginary) create a plan and then get moving.

After fifteen years in Education she describes that time in her life as one of the most
exhausting, yet most fulfilling. “I learned more about life, relationships and discovering
who I was during those years. Children are wise and gifted teachers” says Laura.

Laura’s greatest longing is for people to know deeply who they
are…..beloved children of a loving God. She does not market herself as a ‘Christian
Coach” as she loves to ask all people questions to have them seek for truth and watch
God show up in beautifully intimate ways just where they are.

As the founder of True North Coaching in the late nineties, she is one of Vancouver’s
first certified professional coaches. She attracts a wide variety of clients locally and
internationally and is a celebrated speaker and workshop leader. Laura lives in
Vancouver, Canada with her husband of 20 years and two young children.

10 Simple Steps to the Perfect Valentine’s Date

As an event planner at Amuse Consulting with over 10 years experience I’m the first person friends and colleagues call when they need to plan the perfect experience for that special someone. When Eryn-Faye called and asked for some advice on planning the perfect Valentines date I knew exactly what to say, it’s all in the planning!

Here are 10 of my quick tips for ensuring a successful date that is sure to wow your loved one.

The restaurant date:

1. Pick a restaurant you both have enjoyed and you know provides great food and service. Don’t try a new restaurant for the first time, you may or may not get the service you hope for.
2. Choose your table ahead of time. When making your reservation actually go into the restaurant and request the specific table you want. Perhaps you want a bit of privacy, maybe you want to ensure you are away from the entrance and the kitchen. The trick is to ensure the table you request makes the night about the two of you and not what’s happening in the rest of the restaurant.
3. Choose the menu ahead of time. Pick everything from the wine, the appetizers, main course desert etc… if you are not a “foodie” ask the restaurant to help you. The goal is to make your date feel pampered and also let’s them know that you’ve paid attention and really know their likes and dislikes.
4. Order your date’s favourite flowers and have them delivered with your Valentines Day card to the restaurant. Make sure you put the name the reservation is under on the card so they know what table to put them on for when you arrive.
5. Build anticipation… you’ve picked the restaurant, your table and the food now you start to tease your date with just enough info to make them wonder what you’ve planned. Let them know you have a date but give them nothing else, not the time, the place, anything J
6. Valentines Day morning start off with a cute and funny Valentines Day card. Include some of the details for your upcoming date. Let them know what type of outfit to wear and what time they should expect to be ready for.
7. Valentines Day after work it’s all about being stress free. Make sure that everything has been prepped in advance for the return home, candles are strategically placed, favourite mood music playlist has been created and is all set to go. When you arrive home it will only take two minutes for the mood to be continued.
8. Dress for success. The adage usually applies to work and career but it applies just the same here. Make sure you look your best, smell good, and have your hair cut the day or two before.
9. The perfect Valentines Day Gift isn’t about how much you’ve spent, its about how much thought went into it. With all the planning you’ve done on the dinner the gift should also be thoughtful and meaningful. One of my favourites costs nothing, relationship gift certificates! Create a few gift certificates that your date can redeem at a later time. Things should include experiences that your date often asks for but are not always possible due to busy lives. For example “a candle lit scented bath”, “a romantic massage”, “a home made dinner for two” are just a few of the possibilities. Be creative and make them specific to your loved one.
10. Most importantly be authentic, real and be present! The greatest gift we can give someone is to be in the moment with them and to give them our full attention.

Hopefully these will give you some inspiration in creating your perfect date.  If you choose to cook a meal at home see how the tips would be relevant and adjust accordingly.  The principles are the same.

Founder of Amuse Consulting, Marc Smith brings more than a decade of event planning experience to each event. Having worked for seven years at Capers Community Markets in Vancouver as Regional Demo and Special Event Coordinator, Marc planned a wide variety of sponsored and in-store events. He is also a graduate (and valedictorian!) of Leadership Vancouver, as well as a founding board member of the BC Ethics in Action Society

Amuse Consulting Inc. is a full service boutique event planning company in Vancouver. We specialize in creating events for Businesses and Not-for-Profits that integrate seamlessly with the brand and identity of our clients. A strategic project management style approach infused with sustainability and community-minded initiatives ensure your event is on track for all of the triple bottom lines. Financial, Environmental and Social Impact.

The Delightful World of Shoes as Foreplay

To my sheer delight, I ran across some fascinating scientific information last night in my reading of The Brain in Love by Dr. Daniel Amen. “In the brain, the sensory area of the foot is right next door to the sensory area for the clitoris. Unknowingly, women often feel that buying shoes is like foreplay.” Finally, proof for what I have been telling Eric for all these years!

I announced this revelation on my Facebook page and it lit up like a Christmas tree. (One that is impeccably decorated and lacking the God-awful elf dangling front and center.) Women rushed to share their endorsement of this statement. It seems I am not the only one with a deep fondness for shoes.

In fact, S. Rachman and R.J. Hodgson, two sex researchers conducting studies in 1968, decided to try and create a shoe fetish in male test subjects using Pavlov’s theory of conditioning. It worked. The men became aroused simply from the sight of shoes after the experiment was over. While knee-high boots and high-heeled black shoes seemed effective, “no man got an erection from looking at brown string sandals.” Thank you to Mary Roach who wrote the brilliant book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex and shared this tidbit with us.

The moral of the story? Men, let your wives buy as many shoes as they want. Women, stay away from brown string sandals.

Marc Smith - Guest Writer

VALENTINE’S DAY

I know that most of you are aware that Valentine’s Day is coming up, but perhaps you are too tired, too preoccupied with your New Year’s goals, or too annoyed by the occasion to pay much attention. Many people find this “holiday” to be overwhelming.  All of us, at one time or another, have harbored homicidal thoughts toward Cupid.

This year, however, I am going to make the planning easy for you. Next week, Marc Smith, a professional event planner and the founder of Amuse Consulting, will be sharing “10 Simple Steps to the Perfect Valentine’s Date.”

These brilliant and yet easy ideas will ensure that you create a date you’ll both remember for years. Check back with us on January 26^th.

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