When one of our friends was in his twenties and his son Adam was just three, his son saw him step out of the shower.
“Dad, when I get older, will my penis get bigger?”
“Sure, son. It will.”
“Is mine going to be as big as yours when I am your age?”
The dad felt both awkward and amused by the question.
“Well, probably yeah.”
His son thought about that for a minute, and then with eyes getting wider by the moment said, “that means that when I am forty, it’ll be HUGE!!”
Aging is just a matter of perspective. Many people dread adding candles to their birthday cakes, but this little boy could only think of the benefits of getting older. And, in such boy-like fashion too!
Today is my birthday.
I love my birthday. Not because I look forward to the gifts, or phone calls or Facebook messages – although those are wonderful and if you are sending them to me, keep ’em coming!
I love my birthday for two reasons. The first is out of sheer competitiveness. I am trying to beat my parents. You see, my mom died when she was 46 and my father died when he was 51. Neither of them lived for very long. I very simply want to outlast them. (I am hearing Billy Joel’s song Only the Good Die Young as I type this. What that says about my desire to be “good”, I will refrain from commenting on.)
But the second reason that I love my birthday is that every year, I have accumulated more knowledge, more understanding and hopefully more wisdom. The person who I am today is happier, has a deeper sense of self, has helped more people, is more comfortable with the body God gave me, has grown in courage, has learned more from mistakes and has had more adventures than the “me” of last year. I know “me” better. I like “me” better. I can’t wait to see who “me” is at the end of each year. I have to admit that, looking forward, the idea of turning 50 just thrills me to no end!
Why do I blog about turning older on a website which is devoted to passion, love and intimacy? Because I know – from personal experience as well watching the lives of the my clients – that when you are excited about getting better with each year, your sex life gets better too. There is a direct correlation between becoming more comfortable in your own skin and getting better at sex. Why? Because sex is one of the ways we express who we are on the deepest of levels. Our wants, our desires, our proclivities – they all emanate from a place of who we are. And the more we know and understand that, the better we will be able to express it in a truly authentic way. Trust me, when you get there, it is an amazing place to be.
I find that most people who are afraid of turning older feel that they have something missing in their lives. There is something that they want to do which has not yet materialized. Perhaps it is a relationship that they are seeking. Perhaps it is career they have always wanted which has not turned out as planned. Perhaps they don’t even know – they just wander around with a vague sense of aimlessness in life. For those people, the thought of years rolling by is terrifying.
But if you are actively searching for the very best you that you can find, when you are taking the time to listen to that inner voice that acts as your compass to direct you to the reason you were put on this earth and then go after it, the years merely become a companion as you pursue what you were destined to do.
We have another friend who is 62. He was recently asked what he was going to do with his “last 18 summers”. The question was so jarring to him that he spent hours thinking of his answer. And then he made some radical changes in his life.
Can you say that every year you get better? Do you like yourself more? How many summers do you have left? Are you doing what you were meant to do in this life?
If not, you have some work to do. But it will be worth it.
Today, I am going to begin my year by having a ridiculous amount of fun with family and friends.
And, my husband turns forty this year. So, thanks to Adam’s perspective, I have that to look forward to too!