How Much is TOO MUCH Sex?

How much sex is too much sex?   That could be a poll, but there would have to be too many answers listed – everyone would have a differing opinion on that question.  But it is a question that gets asked a lot.  It gets asked so often, that Douglas Brown decided to write a book on it

Douglas Brown, the author of the book Just Do It, and his wife committed to have sex 101 days in a row. You heard that right – 101 days in a row.  Excuses were not an option – they couldn’t whine about being tired, or the kids in the next room, or not being in the mood. They very simply did it.

When interviewed at the end of the their experiment, they said they were closer as a couple. They had deeper intimacy, better communication and more romance. Furthermore (and this is the part of the story that I find particularly interesting), they started paying more attention to their bodies.  They began to exercise and eat better.

I suppose this makes sense. If you are spending that much time naked, it would be natural to look at your body more often. The less covered up you are, the more you have to acknowledge yourself “au naturale”. And it got me thinking…summer has begun and we have turned our attention to all those bits that are bigger or flabbier or less toned than we want. What if we could get rid of those parts AND build intimacy with our spouse?


Here’s my challenge: Make a Sexy Summer Pact with your spouse.

Commit to having sex everyday until mid-August. If you start June 15th and go until August 15th, that is 62 days – far less that Douglas Brown and his wife, but long enough to give you a feel for what it is like to connect every day in a sexual way. How knows? Maybe you will like it so much you will go for the full 101 days!!

Now, I want to be clear about this challenge.  There are quite a few logistics to take into consideration (Mr. Brown had a prescription for Viagra filled as a “just in case” measure – I am not advocating that!!)

If you are going to take up the challenge, here are some considerations and logistics to think about:

  • Define “sex” – Vaginal penetration is not necessary to count as “sex”. In fact, I would encourage you to learn to you satisfy each other in other creative ways too. Need suggestions to get started?

o    Hand jobs – use your hands to help each other reach climax
o    Oral Sex
o    Bedroom toys and vibrators can be used to reach orgasm
o    Mutual masturbation while looking into each other’s eyes
o    Skin Time – just get naked with each other and lay up against one another (Just don’t fall into the trap of only doing this one!!  You both really ought to orgasm – mutual satisfaction is always the goal.)

  • Try different times of the day and locations to add variety and spice
  • Load up on lubricant so that you can take advantage of a quick moment or for hand jobs or toys
  • Use the challenge as an excuse to try new things in the bedroom and talk to each other about your secret fantasies
  • If you are out of town and away from each other, substitute a sexy phone call…and see where that leads!

I realize that there are those of us out there who have issues reaching orgasm – physically or psychologically.  This exercise is not intended to single you out or make you feel badly about yourselves or your situation, rather I would hope that this would be an opportunity for you to really explore your sexual relationship with your lover.  Talk, look, explore and learn about each other’s bodies in ways you never have.  The goal is building a whole new level of intimacy, so make sure that is your focus.

Regardless of whether you are motivated to take the pact because of the caloric burn, or the increase in intimacy, or merely because it sounds interesting, have fun!

One more thing…go make a reservation for a nice restaurant right now for August 15th. Book the babysitter too. The two of you can toast your Sexy Summer and discuss what you have both discovered about your relationship during your pact. Maybe you can take your measurements too and see how many inches you have burned off!!

How about it? Are you in? Let me know your feedback. I would love hear from the people who are taking up the challenge!

7 replies
  1. Jay and Emma
    Jay and Emma says:

    Hey, Eryn,

    Not only are we in, but we’ve devoted a whole blog to the daily experience. We just got going on this a couple of days ago (our sixth wedding anniversary), but we are committed to trying to explore the physical and emotional impact it has on our lives and our relationship over the course of a year.

    Hope that you check us out! We’re at We’d love to hear YOUR comments as our adventure continues.

    Emma and Jay

    • Eryn-Faye Frans
      Eryn-Faye Frans says:

      Jay and Emma – you two are incredible! Jumping into a full year of everyday sex. I love that you are blogging the experience as well and that you are self-aware enough to have categories like “The Love Blog” and “The Fight Blog”. And Happy sixth anniversary to you as well! I’ll be checking out your site and following your adventures for sure.

      That’s one couple in! Anyone else want to take up the challenge?? Website journals are optional! :)

  2. Christie and Glen
    Christie and Glen says:

    Okay, we’re in… that’s what he said :-) No, really it sounds like fun and since August 15th is Glen’s birthday he sees this as an early present. Thanks Eryn-Faye!

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