Wouldn’t it be great if there were a pill that could fire up you marriage? No, I am not talking about that little blue pill. I mean a drug that could bring back the passionate excitement you felt when you first met your mate.

Big Pharma doesn’t have anything like that in the works, but you can make your own passion-power drug at home, using that amazing chemical factory known as your brain. I’m not talking about alcohol, I’m talking about your body’s natural intoxicants, the brain chemicals that can bring you both to new heights of attraction and connection.

Before I explain how to become a brain-chemical barista, let’s talk about what’s happening in your brain when the chemistry between you and your mate goes from wow to whatever.

Those things we call feelings or emotions are the result of small changes in the chemicals flowing through our bloodstreams and circulating in our brains. The chemical composition can easily tilt as the result of outside stimuli, like a kind word or a bumped shin, and it can be shaped by our thoughts, as well.

After years of marriage, the neurochemical balance inevitably tilts toward an abundance of oxytocin, the chemical of nesting. Oxytocin is released in the brain in response at times when we’re near people we know and trust. It’s nicknamed the cuddle hormone because it seems to produce that calm, peaceful, connected feeling.

You could say that oxytocin is the chemical of committed love. Romantic passion, however, seems to be fueled by a combination of dopamine and adrenaline. Dopamine is the chemical of reward-seeking. Dopamine impels us to go after a reward, and at the same time, it tingles the brain’s pleasure centers. In fact, seeking a reward feels better than actually obtaining it. This was nature’s way of making sure we got off our butts each morning to climb that tree in search of more fruit.

Adrenaline, which is also part of the fight-or-flight response, gives us extra energy and puts all our senses on high alert. It gives that speedy, do-anything flavor to romance.

The oxytocin-based feeling of safety, comfort and connection in the home you’ve made together is one of the lovely things about marriage or cohabitation. But it’s not exciting; it’s not sexy. And humans have a powerful need for novelty and excitement. This is probably a leftover from the days when we ranged over the savannahs, hunting for food. You two don’t need to hunt for a mate, but you do need to get more adrenaline and dopamine into your relationship.

What’s the flavor of your domestic brew? Is it a bland milkshake or a cup of bitter tea? Shake it into a fun cocktail with a parasol in it or a top-shelf martini, even if you don’t drink. In part two, I’ll give you the recipe and instructions for your sexy love cocktail.

Susan Kuchinskas is the author of The Chemistry of Connection: How the oxytocin response can help you find trust, intimacy and love. She blogs about love, trust and oxytocin at Hug the Monkey.

Email her at susan at chemistryofconnection dot com.