Lubricating Your Relationship


Early on in my practice, one of my clients told me that I had “saved her marriage“.  Since I always love to hear people’s stories, I asked her to explain how this happened.

“You recommended a good lubricant to me”, she said rather matter-of-factly.

I was a bit slow on the uptake and wasn’t sure how something this simple could have such a dramatic effect on her relationship, but she continued on.

“I was allergic to [insert name of the most popular over the counter brand], but it was the only stuff I knew to buy. So, when I would use it, I would have to have sex quickly and then immediately hop into the shower because it would burn. It was killing our sex life! But when I got a good lubricant from you, it didn’t burn. Now I actually enjoy having sex with my husband again!”

Lubricating Your Relationship

Let’s face it ladies, if we don’t have sufficient lubrication, sex is going to be at best uncomfortable and at worst excessively painful! There are all sorts of reasons why a woman might not have enough lubrication:

  • She might not be aroused enough
  • She might be on a medication that hinders lubrication (allergy & cold relief medications, antidepressants and even the birth control pill are notorious for having this side effect)
  • She might be headed into menopause, and the drop in our estrogen levels is causing changes in the way our body produces lubrication
  • She might be nervous or stressed out or exhausted
  • She might have just had a child or are still breastfeeding
  • She might be a smoker

There is nothing worse than wanting to be intimate with your husband but then being betrayed by your body when it refuses to lubricate properly! It creates a vicious cycle because next time you are considering having sex, you might hesitate because you are worried about it. Not only are you dealing with something physiological, but now it is psychological too!

A great lubricant will take this pressure off of you. You will no longer have to worry about getting wet enough so that sex doesn’t hurt. It allows you to relax and focus on enjoying yourself and him. And this makes for a much more satisfying sex life for both of you.

Thankfully, we live in a day in age when good lubricants are readily available. You can have one on your bedside table drawer, another in your travel bag, another in the shower. A lady once said to me that lubricants were like lipstick – no woman should have only one!

Here’s a run-down on the different types of lubricants:





Easy and safe to use almost anywhere. They do not stain, are simple to wash off, and are safe for use with condoms or diaphragms.

Cannot use in water (as it will wash off) and are not long-lasting. Some brands can be sticky.


Great for water play. They are long-lasting, non-sticky, and usually have a silky texture

Harder to wash off (as they are designed to last in water). Cannot be used with silicone-based toys


Good for anal play.

Cannot be used with condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Can be irritating vaginally. They are difficult to wash off and can stain the sheets.


Made from vegetable or nut oils.

Can feel greasy and stain the sheets. They are not recommended for use with condoms.


It might seem obvious from my pro’s and con’s table that I prefer water- and silicone-based lubricants; however, the point is that you have lots of options out there beyond [popular over the counter brand].


4 replies
  1. Robin Marie
    Robin Marie says:

    I like lubricant not just for the lube factor, but just as much for the scents and flavors they come in. It is great to keep four or five different kinds on hand. Pina colada adds that tropical beach ambiance, blueberry makes my mouth water, and geranium/sandalwood is heady and hot. Involving all your senses and adding variety can be as easy as changing lubes. It is also fun to surprise your spouse with something new, maybe tingly or heated.

    • Eryn-Faye Frans
      Eryn-Faye Frans says:

      Thank you so much for bringing up all the other aspects of lubricants! It can be SO much more than simple lubrication. The scents and flavours from specialty lubes can open another level of experience to lovemaking! I am a big believer in involving all the senses. Memory is very closely tied to smells, sights and sounds, so with the right resources and products you can create a truly memorable experience!

      Love your thoughts!

  2. Shula
    Shula says:

    I LOVE your idea to keep a bottle of lube in the shower! I can vouch for that. We women like variety in our clothes & shoes so why not like variety in our lubes? I’ve got a whole “wardrobe” of lubes and always willing to try something new. (wink)

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