Today, in what has to be a first in the show’s history, Oprah Winfrey did a show exclusively on erotica and pornography. Her guests included Lisa Ling (a reporter who was covering the porn industry), Jenna Jameson (a porn star), and Violet Blue (Sexpert and author of The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn).
One of the stats that was quoted throughout the entire show was that 1 out of 3 of the consumers of online porn is a woman. This is obviously quite a shift away from the cultural perception that this entertainment is only viewed by men.
Jenna Jameson’s segment was by far the longest as she waxed eloquently about the reasons why she believed so many women were attracted to watching porn. She made the comment that “every woman has a little Jenna Jameson in her.”
Violet Blue picked up that point and expanded on it saying – and this was the commentary that piqued my interest:
“every woman wants to be porn star in her own relationship. She may not want that body or sexual history of a porn star, but she wants the freedom that she sees on screen to let go and explore.” Furthermore, Violet went on to say, “What’s been missing is the permission for them to be so.”
Now, I am not a huge fan of porn – mostly because I have seen so many people get addicted to it and this addiction has destroyed their relationships – but I wholeheartedly agree with the concept that every woman wants the permission to be a sensual, sexual, uninhibited lover in her marriage. She may have been denied this permission in her upbringing, by her community or even by herself. Even if it has been buried deep down inside of her, she longs for that freedom.
The question becomes: Have you given yourself the permission to unlock the sensual, sexual, uninhibited lover you want to become? If so, how did you do it?
2 Responses to Oprah’s show on porn – November 16th, 2009
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Well, you don’t have to publish this comment, but I’ll tell you how a lot of the type of freedom your speaking of came into our sexual relationship- we began to talk about it. On long (childless) drives mainly. A 12 hour drive gives you a lot of freedom to take time to think, phrase things well, and there’s no pressure to actually have sex (well not much anyways- it’s a Jetta after all). And that is precisely why it was a good place to talk. Then, over the next while, we would act on what we had learned about each other, trying new things or going back to old favourites.
But does that translate into permission to be sexually relaxed like a porn star- well it does if you know that your partner understands your desires and what makes you tick and loves what you do together and loves your pleasure as much as his own. And his words of affirmation seem (in my insecure little mind anyways) a lot more truthful spoken in the light of day than whispered in the heat of the moment.
I still struggle with those awful feelings of ‘not good enough, too fat/old/whatever’ from time to time. But I’ve learned that sometimes you have to pretend to be the woman you want to be before you actually change. The greatest joy for me though is knowing that there is so much more to explore, so many ways that we can grow closer still- I love this journey!