Author: David Schnarch, Ph.D.
Description: In this classic book on sex, Schnarch examines ways couples can navigate around their hang-ups about sex to find true passion and intimacy. Loaded with stories of clients who have experienced break-throughs in their relationship, the reader is given excellent insight into what goes on secretly in the minds of couples seeking help. My only criticism is this book can be quite intellectual in its delivery. However, if readers can wade through discourse on concepts such as differentiation, they will find some very practical take-aways to apply to their relationship.
Favorite Chapter: Doing, Being Done and F**king. For couples who are caught up in the debate of making love vs. having a “quickie”, this chapter is a breath of fresh of air. Without belittling the former, Schnarch argues that that the latter has a distinct place in marriage.
Best Take-away: “Love seeks closeness but desire needs distance.” As emotional intimacy increases in a relationship, it is very easy for passion to dissipate. The trick to maintaining eroticism is to hold in tandem the paradoxical values of separateness and connection.