Creating space for meaningful conversations about sexual intimacy.

 

Posts tagged: arousal

Want a Better Sex Life?

Want a better Sex Life?  Then exercise!

Jillian Michaels entered our lives on January 3, 2011. Prior to that, I had been going swimming every morning.  But I am self-aware enough to realize that when winter arrived, the thought of having to dig my car out of the snow before driving to the pool at 6am was going to be a big enough disincentive to make me roll over and go back to sleep. I needed something that I could do in the warmth of my own home.

So, it came down to Jillian Michaels or a treadmill. She was cheaper and tells me what an amazing job I am doing, so she won. So now, Eric and I begin our morning by working out together. Not only are we encouraging each other in our pursuit for health and fitness, but evidently we are also making our sex life better.

Did you know that swimmers in their 60’s have the sex lives of people decades younger than them? Did you know that men and women who exercise 2-3 times a week rate their sex life as “above average”? Or that women have an easier time coming to orgasm and men lower their chances of impotence if they are exercising on a regular basis?

In short, the more consistently you exercise, the better your sex life will be.

Study after study has concluded that exercise has a both a physical and psychological impact. Here are some of the sexual side-effects of working out:

  • Increased blood flow. The science of arousal is all about blood flow. When you feel that tingling sensation in your genitals, that is blood engorging your tissues and heightening their sense of arousal. Since exercise increases circulation, arousal will be easier to come by when you are engaging in sex.
  • Increased body satisfaction. A study in 2000 found that when you are exercising regularly, you have higher self-confidence and self-image. So, no matter where you are in your weight-loss goals for the New Year, if you are exercising consistently, you are going to feel better about your body. And that has a profound impact on how you respond when your spouse wants to take your clothes off.
  • Increased strength, cardio-fitness and flexibility. Not only will these side-effects of exercise make your current sex life more comfortable, but if you would like to try a new position or extend the length of your love-making, all of these factors come into play. The more fit you are, the more adventurous you can be.
  • Lower stress. Stress is one of the huge impediments to having a thriving sex life. Since the endorphins released during exercise drive down the stress hormone cortisol, you are more likely to say “yes” to sex. (Incidentally, the hormones released during orgasm drive down cortisol even further.)

So now you have even more reasons to get out of bed when that horribly annoying alarm clock goes off at the same time every morning abruptly waking you up from the most amazing dream while you lie cocooned in the world’s warmest comforter.  Notice I didn’t say it made the exercising any more pleasant, only that the benefits are worth the effort!!

How about you?  What kind of exercise do you do?  Has it made a difference in your sex life?

Hint #48

Breathing is one of the key factors to having a great orgasm.  The faster you breathe, the more excited you get.  The more excited you get, the bigger the orgasm.  Use breathing to control your pleasure journey.  Breathe through your nose to relax the body.  Then, as your excitement builds, switch to breathing through your mouth.  Increase and decrease the speed of each breath according to your level of arousal.

Lubricating Your Relationship

 

Early on in my practice, one of my clients told me that I had “saved her marriage“.  Since I always love to hear people’s stories, I asked her to explain how this happened.

“You recommended a good lubricant to me”, she said rather matter-of-factly.

I was a bit slow on the uptake and wasn’t sure how something this simple could have such a dramatic effect on her relationship, but she continued on.

“I was allergic to [insert name of the most popular over the counter brand], but it was the only stuff I knew to buy. So, when I would use it, I would have to have sex quickly and then immediately hop into the shower because it would burn. It was killing our sex life! But when I got a good lubricant from you, it didn’t burn. Now I actually enjoy having sex with my husband again!”

Lubricating Your Relationship

Let’s face it ladies, if we don’t have sufficient lubrication, sex is going to be at best uncomfortable and at worst excessively painful! There are all sorts of reasons why a woman might not have enough lubrication:

  • She might not be aroused enough
  • She might be on a medication that hinders lubrication (allergy & cold relief medications, antidepressants and even the birth control pill are notorious for having this side effect)
  • She might be headed into menopause, and the drop in our estrogen levels is causing changes in the way our body produces lubrication
  • She might be nervous or stressed out or exhausted
  • She might have just had a child or are still breastfeeding
  • She might be a smoker

There is nothing worse than wanting to be intimate with your husband but then being betrayed by your body when it refuses to lubricate properly! It creates a vicious cycle because next time you are considering having sex, you might hesitate because you are worried about it. Not only are you dealing with something physiological, but now it is psychological too!

A great lubricant will take this pressure off of you. You will no longer have to worry about getting wet enough so that sex doesn’t hurt. It allows you to relax and focus on enjoying yourself and him. And this makes for a much more satisfying sex life for both of you.

Thankfully, we live in a day in age when good lubricants are readily available. You can have one on your bedside table drawer, another in your travel bag, another in the shower. A lady once said to me that lubricants were like lipstick – no woman should have only one!

Here’s a run-down on the different types of lubricants:

Type

Pro’s

Con’s

Water-based

Easy and safe to use almost anywhere. They do not stain, are simple to wash off, and are safe for use with condoms or diaphragms.

Cannot use in water (as it will wash off) and are not long-lasting. Some brands can be sticky.

Silicone-based

Great for water play. They are long-lasting, non-sticky, and usually have a silky texture

Harder to wash off (as they are designed to last in water). Cannot be used with silicone-based toys

Petroleum-based

Good for anal play.

Cannot be used with condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Can be irritating vaginally. They are difficult to wash off and can stain the sheets.

Oil-based

Made from vegetable or nut oils.

Can feel greasy and stain the sheets. They are not recommended for use with condoms.

.

It might seem obvious from my pro’s and con’s table that I prefer water- and silicone-based lubricants; however, the point is that you have lots of options out there beyond [popular over the counter brand].

 


Eryn-Faye’s Feature Videos

VIDEOS TO BE REVEALED SHORTLY…