Creating space for meaningful conversations about sexual intimacy.

 

Posts tagged: challenge

62 Day Challenge – Followup

Posted on August 20, 2009

62 Days Later…

Back in June, I issued a challenge to my readers to have sex every day for from June 15th to August 15th.  The 62 Day Challenge.

Been There..Done That

Who out there took the challenge?

What did you find?

What was your favourite part?

Allow me to say that I have a general rule wherein I do not reveal the nitty-gritty’s of my sex life with Eric because it is, well, ours. However, I do think it is important to highlight some of the things we learned throughout the challenge. So here are some of my thoughts on the past two months.

  1. We figured out very soon into the challenge that with this level of consistency, there was no such thing as “a quickie”. This side effect had its pros and cons. On the pro side, it gave us the time – indeed it forced us – to be creative. Sex very simply could not be the same old routine because one of the basic elements – time – had changed. On the con side, I needed to be prepared all the time. Bottles of lubricant were omnipresent.
  2. A broken foot is very difficult to work around. Early in the challenge I fell and broke my foot. Everyone has assumed I was doing something kinky during the challenge but the true story is very dull – I tripped over Eric’s slippers. I have to be honest and admit that in the early days when the break was fresh, I chose to bond with the Extra Strength Advil rather than bonding sexually with my husband. Having said that, the pain does abate over time and it is possible to have sex with a cast on. Just for the record.
  3. Gastro-intestinal viruses and sex do not mix. There is just a “yuck” factor of having sex with all the physical manifestations of such a virus. Enough said.
  4. Skype sex is a fun concept for long distance intimacy unless you are staying at someone’s house. The mood is quickly doused when the hostess wants to talk to you as much as your husband does. Especially when he is staying in the living room on the couch.
  5. We both loved the fact that sex was a given. Instead of doing the initiation dance (who is going to initiate and when is s/he going to do it?) it was an unspoken agreement that it would just happen. Both of us were working towards the goal of getting it done. It brought a heightened sense of teamwork into this part of our relationship.
  6. Our desire to have sex grew. The more we had, the more we wanted. I was a bit surprised by this development. I thought I would be satiated the more I had, but the reverse actually took place. This made me do quite a bit of contemplation on the “use it or lose it” theory.
  7. Finally, we had fun. We laughed more, joked together more, flirted more, and enjoyed each other more. That alone was worth the price of admission.

Do you have any stories to tell? You have the advantage of being anonymous, so let us know if anything outrageous, hilarious or even sweet happened with you and your lover during the challenge.  (and even if you didn’t take the challenge, feel free to share why you didn’t or what kept you from it – we’re all friends here an nobody judges!!)

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How Much is TOO MUCH Sex?

Posted on June 10, 2009

How much sex is too much sex?   That could be a poll, but there would have to be too many answers listed – everyone would have a differing opinion on that question.  But it is a question that gets asked a lot.  It gets asked so often, that Douglas Brown decided to write a book on it

Douglas Brown, the author of the book Just Do It, and his wife committed to have sex 101 days in a row. You heard that right – 101 days in a row.  Excuses were not an option – they couldn’t whine about being tired, or the kids in the next room, or not being in the mood. They very simply did it.

When interviewed at the end of the their experiment, they said they were closer as a couple. They had deeper intimacy, better communication and more romance. Furthermore (and this is the part of the story that I find particularly interesting), they started paying more attention to their bodies.  They began to exercise and eat better.

I suppose this makes sense. If you are spending that much time naked, it would be natural to look at your body more often. The less covered up you are, the more you have to acknowledge yourself “au naturale”. And it got me thinking…summer has begun and we have turned our attention to all those bits that are bigger or flabbier or less toned than we want. What if we could get rid of those parts AND build intimacy with our spouse?

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Here’s my challenge: Make a Sexy Summer Pact with your spouse.

Commit to having sex everyday until mid-August. If you start June 15th and go until August 15th, that is 62 days – far less that Douglas Brown and his wife, but long enough to give you a feel for what it is like to connect every day in a sexual way. How knows? Maybe you will like it so much you will go for the full 101 days!!

Now, I want to be clear about this challenge.  There are quite a few logistics to take into consideration (Mr. Brown had a prescription for Viagra filled as a “just in case” measure – I am not advocating that!!)

If you are going to take up the challenge, here are some considerations and logistics to think about:

  • Define “sex” – Vaginal penetration is not necessary to count as “sex”. In fact, I would encourage you to learn to you satisfy each other in other creative ways too. Need suggestions to get started?

o    Hand jobs – use your hands to help each other reach climax
o    Oral Sex
o    Bedroom toys and vibrators can be used to reach orgasm
o    Mutual masturbation while looking into each other’s eyes
o    Skin Time – just get naked with each other and lay up against one another (Just don’t fall into the trap of only doing this one!!  You both really ought to orgasm – mutual satisfaction is always the goal.)

  • Try different times of the day and locations to add variety and spice
  • Load up on lubricant so that you can take advantage of a quick moment or for hand jobs or toys
  • Use the challenge as an excuse to try new things in the bedroom and talk to each other about your secret fantasies
  • If you are out of town and away from each other, substitute a sexy phone call…and see where that leads!
  • NO EXCUSES!!!

I realize that there are those of us out there who have issues reaching orgasm – physically or psychologically.  This exercise is not intended to single you out or make you feel badly about yourselves or your situation, rather I would hope that this would be an opportunity for you to really explore your sexual relationship with your lover.  Talk, look, explore and learn about each other’s bodies in ways you never have.  The goal is building a whole new level of intimacy, so make sure that is your focus.

Regardless of whether you are motivated to take the pact because of the caloric burn, or the increase in intimacy, or merely because it sounds interesting, have fun!

One more thing…go make a reservation for a nice restaurant right now for August 15th. Book the babysitter too. The two of you can toast your Sexy Summer and discuss what you have both discovered about your relationship during your pact. Maybe you can take your measurements too and see how many inches you have burned off!!

How about it? Are you in? Let me know your feedback. I would love hear from the people who are taking up the challenge!

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