Posted on February 3, 2011
Want a better Sex Life? Then exercise!
Jillian Michaels entered our lives on January 3, 2011. Prior to that, I had been going swimming every morning. But I am self-aware enough to realize that when winter arrived, the thought of having to dig my car out of the snow before driving to the pool at 6am was going to be a big enough disincentive to make me roll over and go back to sleep. I needed something that I could do in the warmth of my own home.
So, it came down to Jillian Michaels or a treadmill. She was cheaper and tells me what an amazing job I am doing, so she won. So now, Eric and I begin our morning by working out together. Not only are we encouraging each other in our pursuit for health and fitness, but evidently we are also making our sex life better.
Did you know that swimmers in their 60’s have the sex lives of people decades younger than them? Did you know that men and women who exercise 2-3 times a week rate their sex life as “above average”? Or that women have an easier time coming to orgasm and men lower their chances of impotence if they are exercising on a regular basis?
In short, the more consistently you exercise, the better your sex life will be.
Study after study has concluded that exercise has a both a physical and psychological impact. Here are some of the sexual side-effects of working out:
- Increased blood flow. The science of arousal is all about blood flow. When you feel that tingling sensation in your genitals, that is blood engorging your tissues and heightening their sense of arousal. Since exercise increases circulation, arousal will be easier to come by when you are engaging in sex.
- Increased body satisfaction. A study in 2000 found that when you are exercising regularly, you have higher self-confidence and self-image. So, no matter where you are in your weight-loss goals for the New Year, if you are exercising consistently, you are going to feel better about your body. And that has a profound impact on how you respond when your spouse wants to take your clothes off.
- Increased strength, cardio-fitness and flexibility. Not only will these side-effects of exercise make your current sex life more comfortable, but if you would like to try a new position or extend the length of your love-making, all of these factors come into play. The more fit you are, the more adventurous you can be.
- Lower stress. Stress is one of the huge impediments to having a thriving sex life. Since the endorphins released during exercise drive down the stress hormone cortisol, you are more likely to say “yes” to sex. (Incidentally, the hormones released during orgasm drive down cortisol even further.)
So now you have even more reasons to get out of bed when that horribly annoying alarm clock goes off at the same time every morning abruptly waking you up from the most amazing dream while you lie cocooned in the world’s warmest comforter. Notice I didn’t say it made the exercising any more pleasant, only that the benefits are worth the effort!!
How about you? What kind of exercise do you do? Has it made a difference in your sex life?
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Tagged with: arousal, better sex, body satisfaction, cardio-fitness, cortisol, endorphins, enjoyment, exercise, flexibility, increase blood flow, increase circulation, Increase strength, intercourse, Jillian Michaels, love-making, lower stress, orgasm, pleasure, science of arousal, self-confidence, self-image, sex
Posted on January 6, 2010
If your passion meter is dwindling a little lower that normal, take a break. Go cold turkey for a week, or two. Establish an agreed upon timeline and ground rules (i.e kissing ok, but no direct genital contact) When it’s “off limits” it’s amazing how much you suddenly want it. Don’t cave before your agreed time limit though, holding off will make your love making session all the wilder!
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Tagged with: break, cold turkey, genital, kissing, love-making, passion, sex
Posted on February 9, 2009
My husband and I have been trying to have a second child now for three years. It took us a year and a half to conceive our daughter, and we figured that since we had obviously figured out how to do it, it would be easy the second time. WRONG! Although all our tests are clean, we have not been able to “get one past the goalie” as my husband so eloquently puts it.
Not too long ago, we decided that we would take our trying to the next level and follow our doctor’s advice to go on Clomid, the fertility drug that is prescribed to a lot of women in my situation. As we were chatting with the doctor, I decided to be frank and asked, “So, doc, is this the drug that will turn me into a raving lunatic?” She laughed and diplomatically said, “Well, there can be some side effects with the increase of hormones in your system.” She then proceeded to give us the instructions on how to take the drugs. “Take them from days 3-7 and then have sex on days 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, and 18.” Turning to my husband, she then said, “If you have any business trips to take, schedule them for the rest of her cycle.” And then she gave him a very sympathetic smile. Humm. I suppose this was her way of being more direct to my earlier question. We got a good giggle and left the office to follow her instructions.
Now, for all of you out there who are thinking “I wish I could have sex that often!” let me say that doctor prescribed sex is not all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it is awful. It turns something that is supposed to be fun, pleasurable and even spiritual into a chore that needs to be ticked off your “to-do” list. You have to do it (or else you feel guilty for not doing your best to get pregnant), you can’t use lubricant (it kills the sperm), and there is no cuddling afterwards (your bum is stuck up in the air on a pillow). Add that to the hormonal changes you go through if you are on the fertility drugs, and ups and downs you feel as you hope, hope, hope and then are disappointed, and the whole experience can really make your sex life take a nose-dive.
In my business as a Passion Coach, many women have come to me to discuss the ramifications of infertility on their sex lives. Their stories are remarkably similar. They speak about the fact that their minds are constantly on getting pregnant, which makes it very difficult to be romantic and stay in the mood because their mind keeps wandering to whether or not this will be the time that they conceive. They are constantly thinking about what day it is, and whether their period is going to come this month or not. Some husbands feel so much pressure that they cannot get and maintain an erection (which, of course, frustrates both them and their wives!). And underling all of their experiences – the waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
So, how do we maintain good sex lives in the midst of all of this? Here are a few suggestions:
- Add variety to love-making (change rooms or the time of day that you have sex, add candles or music, play strip poker, etc.)
- Make sure to have sex even on days which are not “doctor prescribed” so that your sexual relationship isn’t completely tied to the task of procreation
- Find some friends or a support group to talk to so that you don’t feel isolated during this time
- Try to find the humor in the midst of attempts to conceive (ie: read a funny yet honest blog, allow yourself to laugh)
- Take steps to reduce stress in your life (ie: physical exercise, learn stress reduction techniques such as yoga, choose to try to conceive during times of lower stress in your career, and laugh (see point above)
- Explore other options like adoption, IVF, or acupuncture
- Set a time period of “trying” interspersed with a period of taking a break (and really take the break – toss out the charts, put away the thermometer, stop tracking your cycle)
- As best as possible, make peace with the concept of not having a biological child
But at the end of the day, the thing to remember through this is what originally drove this whole thing – a desire to come together as a couple in the deepest of ways. I say that we need to remember that because in the midst of “baby making sex” it is easy to forget to make love. And that is what this is all about really. The intent of the exercise is to fall deeper in love with your spouse, so don’t let it become a wedge that drives you apart.
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Tagged with: acupuncture, adoption, candles, children, Clomid, cuddling, doctor, doctor prescribed sex, drugs, erection, exercise, fall in love, fertility drugs, frustration, guilty, hope, hormones, infertility, IVF, love-making, lubricant, music, passion coach, period, pleasure, pregnant, romance, sex, side effects, sperm, stress, strip poker, support group, yoga
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