One of the truly wonderful things about living in a hotel is the sheer number of people you come in contact with…in the fitness center, in the lobby, and even over breakfast. Since we are there for 6 weeks, we have seen a lot of people come and go. There are a lot of business people, a lot of families, a lot of poorly behaved kids.
This morning, as my daughter and I were munching on English muffins, I overheard a woman talking to her colleagues about some of her phobias. For a seemingly together businesswoman, she had quite the list. Crossing bridges had evidently just joined her list of things she tried to avoid.
Recently, she had been driving across a bridge with her son and enjoying the ride until he said, “Mommy, the only thing holding this bridge up is these cables!” And bridges promptly joined her list of phobias – she now avoids them at all costs.
I found this incredibly sad. I mean, I always find it sad when people allow themselves to be held back in life because something scares them. They can’t go visit loved ones because it requires flying on an airplane. Or they can’t leave their children for an evening because something horrible might happen. Or they can’t get near water because they were too afraid to learn to swim. And this woman had lost her ability to access very essential parts of our road system because she had become myopically focused on engineering.
She no longer has a sense of excitement that comes with soaring over vast stretches of water. She no longer has a sense of wonder at the marvels of modern architecture.She no longer has a sense of anticipation as to what lies on the other side. There is just fear.
And it struck me that many people get stuck in this place in their relationships as well. They get so focused on the structure of their relationship that they fail to enjoy the ride.
Now, if you have followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I love to address the nuts and bolts of relationships – particularly sexual relationships. And, it is obviously essential to maintain the structure of your sex life. Imperative, in fact.
But sometimes we get so focused on the work that we cease to experience the pleasure. We are so busy thinking of the next 15 things that we have to do to keep this thing running that we don’t take the time to stop, look around us and enjoy where we are.
So what’s exciting, breath-taking, comfortable, beautiful, peaceful, or exhilarating about your relationship right now? It might not be perfect, but there are bound to be aspects that are good. If you need to fix some structural issues, then by all means do it. But don’t allow that to become your sole focus so that you miss the beauty of the journey along the way.