I love movies.  In fact, I am so ready for Prince of Persia to come out.  I watch them in theaters, I rent them, I watch them on TV.  I honestly love to watch a good movie – action, adventure, “chick-flick”, drama, comedy, documentary, art house, even some foreign films…pretty much anything but horror (and I used to love those too, but as I have gotten older I just can’t do them anymore).  My point is that I love movies.  They are a great way to relax, to escape, and to imagine yourself in another place and time.  They are like books, but without all the time consuming reading!

BUT, and there always seems to be a but, generally speaking, what movies are not intended to be is a form of education.  The things people “learn” from movies is actually fascinating in a horribly morbid way.  If you talk to enough people, you will find that many believe that movies are by their nature “historically accurate”.  That somehow the phrase “based on actual events” implies that everything (or anything) in the movie actually happened – or happens.

Nowhere is this truer than when it comes to relationships and sex.  Whether we realize it or not, we all pick up subtle things from movies that we expect to find in our actual lives.

I was talking with a dear friend the other day and we came up with a couple of laughable “truths” that movies have taught people.  For example:

Sex requires a soundtrack.
Don’t get me wrong…if my husband puts Def Leopard on the iTunes list and hits play then somebody’s getting “lucky”.  I do find that music can set the stage, but how many times in a movie have you seen people orgasm right as the soundtrack hits a powerful crescendo?  OK, how many times has that ever happened in real life??  Besides, how long should a romantic playlist be anyway?  How many songs would cover foreplay, sex and cuddling?  How awkward if the music stopped before you did – “sorry honey, I honestly thought 4 songs would be more than enough…” And what if you finished 2 tracks before your very favorite song came on…

Lets be honest about this one.  Sex does not require a soundtrack – unless of course you are trying to mask the noises from children who might be able to hear you.

Couples always finish together.
Did I mention I love movies?  I love how in movies every woman has an orgasm every time she has sex.  In fact, more often than not couples have amazing simultaneous, face-to-face orgasms every time they have sex.  Fiction is such a wonderful thing.  Most women cannot reach orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, and the rating system doesn’t encourage sex toy product placement to explain how this experience might be possible.

Women never walk around naked after sex.
I have never grabbed the sheets off the bed, wrapped them around me and walked to the kitchen or bathroom after sex.  Are you kidding me?  Then I would have to put the sheet back on the bed after I got back.  Nothing says “we just had good sex” like telling your lover to move his butt so you can put the sheets back on the bed after you tromp to the fridge for a post – coital snack.

You just had sex.  Pretty sure that him seeing you naked falls further down the intimacy scale than having sex with each other.  How many of you grab your husband’s button down dress shirt and put that on to go pee?  I love wearing my husband’s shirts to lounge in.  But again – just had sex, so him seeing me walk naked somewhere is not outside my comfort zone.

A sub-section to this is that in movies the sheets in a bed naturally make a “L” shape allowing his sculpted chest to be completely visible while her voluptuous chest is completely covered while they sit up, side-by-side in bed.  Because obviously women cover up their boobs and men flaunt their nipples and bellybuttons.

Sure – this happens all the time in real life.  Men never keep a t-shirt on in bed.  And women always prefer to go topless with the sheets covering them rather than to put a shirt on.  It is just like my life!  Yours too right?!

Sex makes babies, no matter what.
I want to be clear that sex is how babies are made – mainly.  But there have been a slate of movies that imply that getting pregnant is pretty much assured by having sex once. (Knocked Up, Juno, Secret Life of the American Teenager) As part of a couple who has tried for years to get pregnant, I want to be gentle when I say that’s a load of crap.  Now, if Hollywood were trying to actively reduce pre-marital sex, or dissuade young men and women from participating in sexual relations until they were “ready”, then maybe then I might cut them some slack.  But Hollywood has never been one to poo-poo promiscuity so I just have to call BS on this one.    Sex makes babies.  Sometimes.  And sometimes not.  Even when you want it to.

Only beautiful women have sex.
Luckily it is usually to beautiful men.  Did I mention I am looking forward to Prince of Persia…

Also, these beautiful women can have hours of mind blowing sex (ending with simultaneous orgasm of course), sleep wonderfully for hours afterwards and wake up with fresh breath and immaculate make-up.

Ok, those are some of the myths that get perpetuated through movies, but there are so many more.   I read a great article the other day and one of the issues broached by the author was how some men learn about sex by watching porn movies.  In her role as a counselor, she had a lady come to her that was confused because during sex, her lover would pull his penis out of her and slap her vagina with it, and then put it back in.  She was dumbfounded by this and was too embarrassed to say anything to him.  It just seemed bizarre to her.  Her counselor explained to her that this particular action is often done in porn to enhance the visuals for the camera.  He had obviously watched some pornography and was trying to be “good at sex” by doing what he saw on film.  It has nothing to do with sex, but the female actors usually moan when it is done (no doubt to enhance the audio for the movie) so he must think that women liked it and was trying to please her.  According to the article, the couple had, what I am sure was, an awkward discussion, but they were able to talk about it and put that particular move to bed, so to speak.

Here’s my question to you – what other subtle (or not so subtle) things have you seen portrayed as “normal” in movies that are worlds away from truth in real life?  Join in on this discussion.  You’re guaranteed to get a good giggle out of it.