When I first started my business, I went around to all the female relatives in my family and asked them about the state of their sex lives. Perhaps this seems a bit voyeuristic, but I called it “market research” at the time. In fact, if you were a woman within 100 yards of me, the chances were very high that I would ask you about sex too. As I met with women in coffee shops, around dinner tables and on living room coaches, we dished about this typically taboo topic. The relief that these women felt to actually be invited into this type of dialogue was palpable. In the South (where all my family lives), people don’t just talk about this stuff with the candor that I encouraged. In some instances, their responses came with such eagerness that it felt like these women had  been waiting their whole lives to be asked.

During one of these conversations in which I was seeking to expand my knowledge on all things sex, I asked one relative about menopause. I soft-peddled my question and said, “I hear that lubrication is a bit erratic during menopause.” She looked at me and laughed,

“Erratic? It’s non-existent!”

This deeply religious woman then went on to say the following:

“When we first got married, I thought sex would get better after we got the hang of it; then I thought sex would get better when the kids got to be teenagers and I wasn’t so tired from chasing little ones around all day; then I thought sex would get better when the kids left home and we were free to do whatever – whenever.  But about the time that happened, menopause hit. That’s when I realized that the best sex must be when you are 16 in the back of a car!!”

While she did not morally agree with her own statement, it reflected the frustration that many women have about the path that their sex life takes. The years that they look forward to…especially those once the kids have left the home…are not filled with passionate sex on the kitchen floor like they had envisioned. (Ok, so maybe kitchen floor is stretching it a little bit – especially cold, hard tile.) Instead, they are dealing with hormonal fluctuations (one lady described menopause as “an alien has landed in my body”) which can be annoying at best and frightening at worst , vaginal dryness which makes sex incredibly uncomfortable if you are not prepared, hot flashes which are embarrassing because they are so public, and so forth and so on.

I believe that there are two main skill sets that will help ward off this frustration: getting educated about what actually happens in menopause so that you can be prepared; and keeping those lines of communication open with your spouse so that the two of you are not caught off guard.

It is inevitable that our bodies will change over time. What works in the bedroom tonight may not work as well in five or ten year’s time. The very best defense against a stale love life or one that is constantly fails to meet up with your hopes and drams is education and communication. And this is no different when it comes to menopause.

And, conveniently enough, this weeks article will be “resource rich” to help you get better educated!  I’ll give you the info…you do the talking!  You are your lover will both be glad y’all did.