Creating space for meaningful conversations about sexual intimacy.

 

Posts tagged: revelation

Changing the Oil

This past weekend, it was time to change the oil in the car. (Which, truth be told, is what made me think that lubricants should be the subject of the week) We had to take our daughter to get her ballet photos taken, and her dance school is right next to our favourite 15 minute oil change place. So, being that it was a Saturday (and Saturdays are really for taking care of menial and yet necessary tasks), we swung into the place after the makeup had been applied, fancy costume had been donned and photos had finally been taken.

Now, I am not known for my deep and abiding love of things automotive.  I like my car to start when I turn the key, to run when I press the gas and to stop when I hit the brakes.  How this all works, while fascinating to some I am sure, does not interest me in the least.  I even ask my husband to fill the car with gas so I don’t have to do that!  But all that aside, I love where we get our oil changed because it is full service. You roll into the bay, and a very courteous service guy comes up and offers everyone in the car a cup of coffee or bottled water. We usually choose the latter since we are coffee snobs and cannot bring ourselves to drink “oil change coffee”.  (No matter how deep my appreciation for the stellar service runs, I do have my limits!)

After the guy gets all the details on what type of oil we want, he offers us a newspaper or to turn on the TV which is hanging right above our front window. When my daughter is feeling cranky, it is very helpful to be able to turn on the cartoon channel and keep her entertained throughout the service.  (And again, deep appreciation for a bunch of working men who are willing to have little girl cartoons playing on the TV in their shop.)

The whole experience was quick and pleasant, and soon we were back on the road to tackle other items on our Saturday to-do list. Our car will now run smoothly for the next 3,000 kilometers without needing a top up on fluids – at least that is what the man told me and I have nothing but trust for the oil change man in regards to my car.

But it got me thinking. Even I know that a car engine needs oil.  The work that the engine does creates friction and if we don’t keep the parts lubricated, then there will be damage to the parts and the whole car won’t run.  And that is bad.

Funny how even the mundane things in my life eventually bring me back to passion, intimacy and sex in relationships…but as I drove out of the garage, I really did start thinking about lubricants and how quick we are to think about them in relation to our car, and how rarely most people consider them in their sex life.  We (and I mean both men and women) often assume that our bodies will produce all the natural lubricants we need for sexual intercourse because, well, that’s what they do.  When it comes to sex the general population treats their bodies like I do my car -  “how it all works, while fascinating to some I am sure, does not interest me in the least”.  We just want our bodies to rev when we turn the key and go when we hit the gas.  (I could do a whole different post on why sex is NOT like driving a car – for those who need someone to explain to them that sex is not a race and the goal is not necessarily to get to the end as fast as possible, except in those instances where time is a factor of course… J)  Nonetheless, we should take a moment and think about how we take care of our bodies in relation to sex.  Without enough lubricant, the parts will get damaged and the whole thing won’t run.  I have met with too many women whose aversion to sex centered around the fact that it hurt.  They had continued to try having sex in the hopes that “this time I would get wet enough”, but it simply did not happen for them.  To be pointed, a lack of lubrication in sex can lead to damage like vaginal tears and infections.  We wouldn’t let our car run low on oil, why on earth would we be less vigilant with our vaginas?

I love my car, but I love my sex life more.  I would hazard a guess that I am not the only one who feels that way, but many of us put more effort and thought into keeping the car lubed than we do ourselves!

So think about your sex life?  Are you in need of a “lube job”?  Maybe you have been using the wrong product and it is time for an “oil change”!  Make sure you check out the Product of the Week – 15% off my personal favourite and best selling personal lubricant RevelationTM.

Lubricating Your Relationship

 

Early on in my practice, one of my clients told me that I had “saved her marriage“.  Since I always love to hear people’s stories, I asked her to explain how this happened.

“You recommended a good lubricant to me”, she said rather matter-of-factly.

I was a bit slow on the uptake and wasn’t sure how something this simple could have such a dramatic effect on her relationship, but she continued on.

“I was allergic to [insert name of the most popular over the counter brand], but it was the only stuff I knew to buy. So, when I would use it, I would have to have sex quickly and then immediately hop into the shower because it would burn. It was killing our sex life! But when I got a good lubricant from you, it didn’t burn. Now I actually enjoy having sex with my husband again!”

Lubricating Your Relationship

Let’s face it ladies, if we don’t have sufficient lubrication, sex is going to be at best uncomfortable and at worst excessively painful! There are all sorts of reasons why a woman might not have enough lubrication:

  • She might not be aroused enough
  • She might be on a medication that hinders lubrication (allergy & cold relief medications, antidepressants and even the birth control pill are notorious for having this side effect)
  • She might be headed into menopause, and the drop in our estrogen levels is causing changes in the way our body produces lubrication
  • She might be nervous or stressed out or exhausted
  • She might have just had a child or are still breastfeeding
  • She might be a smoker

There is nothing worse than wanting to be intimate with your husband but then being betrayed by your body when it refuses to lubricate properly! It creates a vicious cycle because next time you are considering having sex, you might hesitate because you are worried about it. Not only are you dealing with something physiological, but now it is psychological too!

A great lubricant will take this pressure off of you. You will no longer have to worry about getting wet enough so that sex doesn’t hurt. It allows you to relax and focus on enjoying yourself and him. And this makes for a much more satisfying sex life for both of you.

Thankfully, we live in a day in age when good lubricants are readily available. You can have one on your bedside table drawer, another in your travel bag, another in the shower. A lady once said to me that lubricants were like lipstick – no woman should have only one!

Here’s a run-down on the different types of lubricants:

Type

Pro’s

Con’s

Water-based

Easy and safe to use almost anywhere. They do not stain, are simple to wash off, and are safe for use with condoms or diaphragms.

Cannot use in water (as it will wash off) and are not long-lasting. Some brands can be sticky.

Silicone-based

Great for water play. They are long-lasting, non-sticky, and usually have a silky texture

Harder to wash off (as they are designed to last in water). Cannot be used with silicone-based toys

Petroleum-based

Good for anal play.

Cannot be used with condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Can be irritating vaginally. They are difficult to wash off and can stain the sheets.

Oil-based

Made from vegetable or nut oils.

Can feel greasy and stain the sheets. They are not recommended for use with condoms.

.

It might seem obvious from my pro’s and con’s table that I prefer water- and silicone-based lubricants; however, the point is that you have lots of options out there beyond [popular over the counter brand].

 


Eryn-Faye’s Feature Videos

VIDEOS TO BE REVEALED SHORTLY…