Oprah’s show on porn - November 16th, 2009

Today, in what has to be a first in the show’s history, Oprah Winfrey did a show exclusively on erotica and pornography. Her guests included Lisa Ling (a reporter who was covering the porn industry), Jenna Jameson (a porn star), and Violet Blue (Sexpert and author of The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn).

One of the stats that was quoted throughout the entire show was that 1 out of 3 of the consumers of online porn is a woman. This is obviously quite a shift away from the cultural perception that this entertainment is only viewed by men.

Jenna Jameson’s segment was by far the longest as she waxed eloquently about the reasons why she believed so many women were attracted to watching porn. She made the comment that “every woman has a little Jenna Jameson in her.”

Violet Blue picked up that point and expanded on it saying - and this was the commentary that piqued my interest:

“every woman wants to be porn star in her own relationship. She may not want that body or sexual history of a porn star, but she wants the freedom that she sees on screen to let go and explore.”  Furthermore, Violet went on to say, “What’s been missing is the permission for them to be so.”

Now, I am not a huge fan of porn - mostly because I have seen so many people get addicted to it and this addiction has destroyed their relationships - but I wholeheartedly agree with the concept that every woman wants the permission to be a sensual, sexual, uninhibited lover in her marriage. She may have been denied this permission in her upbringing, by her community or even by herself. Even if it has been buried deep down inside of her, she longs for that freedom.

The question becomes: Have you given yourself the permission to unlock the sensual, sexual, uninhibited lover you want to become? If so, how did you do it?

From Hardworking Entrepreneur to Sexy Wife

When I was working in Kelowna, I had the pleasure of meeting a delightful couple. The thing about them that I found so attractive was that they were both intent on making their relationship more intimate and fulfilling. Having come from conservative backgrounds wherein sex was simply not discussed, they had never been given much education in ways to make their intimacy grow over the years of their marriage. When I met them, they were very much in love and yet thoroughly ready to try something new to liven up their sex life.

I originally met the wife in the context of a Passion Party. She heard about me from a friend and called me to book an in-home party. The party that she hosted was a thrill for me - the women were highly interactive and asked a lot of questions. This, at the end of the day, is why I continue to do home parties. I have the privilege of being invited into a home to answer questions from a group of women - questions which might be scary or unsafe to ask anywhere else. At my parties, no question is taboo or off limits; however, I do stress with women that they need to be confidential about the stories that their friends tell or questions that they ask in the context of my parties. After this particularly lively party, the women lined up in the hall to put their orders in with me in the private ordering room - a slow process as the ordering room is also the place in which the truly personal questions (and sometimes a box of Kleenex) come out.

When my hostess finally came in to place her order, she gravitated to the bath and body products which contain pheromones. While she threw in a few other items, she stuck mostly to the “safer” items. She shared with me a bit of her conservative background and her desire to move slowly into bedroom accoutrements so that she could first ensure that her husband was on board with her decisions. Since the focus of my business is to help couples deepen their intimacy together, I am always pleased when a woman says to me that she wants to talk to her husband about all the new information that she learned that evening!

As is the nature of in-home parties, I met up with this woman again at another party and I asked her how her aromatherapy products were working out. She lit up like a Christmas tree. She explained that her husband had realized how much she responded to the effect of the pheromones in her new products, and so he had taken to drawing her a bath in the evenings. This was significant to her because she owned a hair salon and she would spend long hours standing during the day. After a particularly long day she would arrive home to a drawn bath full of sensual bath salts and other pampering products. When she emerged from the bathroom she felt rejuvenated and refreshed, ready to be intimate with her husband.

Of course, once he realized that this was an effective way to show his wife love AND help her make the transition from hardworking entrepreneur to sexy wife, he made it a priority that her bath products were fully stocked and her bath was run after a long day.

The last time I saw this couple, I was doing a couple’s party with them and a few other couples. The husband was glowing and couldn’t keep his hands off his wife. They came into the ordering room together and expressed their appreciation. After 14 years of marriage they had found new ways to demonstrate their love to each other and rediscovered a passion in their marriage which had long lay dormant.

And, as my husband likes to say, “If that don’t get you fired up - you’re wood’s wet”.  Of course, he started saying that before I became a Passion Coach and it became a double entendre…

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How often do you think of yourself as a passionate, sensual being?

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