In my last guest post, I explained the brain chemistry behind romance and committed love. You can read it here. Now. Let’s talk about how you can use this knowledge to add sparkle to your relationship.

Here’s the recipe:

2 parts novelty (dopamine)

1 part danger (adrenaline)

1 part sensuality (oxytocin)

Shake it up really well, and then enjoy it together.

These are the three ingredients you need for your love chemical cocktail:

Novel sensory stimuli: I know, you’ve been told before to light scented candles and take a bubble bath together. Actually, this is a recipe for boring sex. One thing that attracts man and woman is otherness, so when you envelop him in feminine scents, he loses his focus on you as the Other, while he may seem less manly to you. Besides, that bubble bath may relax you but it will knock him out. Instead, go for a stimulating stew of unfamiliar sights, sounds, smells and tastes that will stimulate dopamine. Hit an ethnic enclave to enjoy a cuisine you’ve never tried, and then walk the streets or stop into a club. Spicy food is a plus, because the fire of the chili stimulates a bit of stress response. (Just don’t get indigestion, that will spoil the night.)

Danger: There’s a reason why people who’ve been through a disaster together often fall in love or become lifelong friends. Fear stimulates adrenaline, that potent liquor of romance. In addition, men’s desire to bond seems to be somewhat dependent on vasopressin, a chemical like oxytocin that triggers protective behaviors. So, do something together that feels dangerous. You both need to really get outside your comfort zone. Fire-walk or go zip-lining. If you’re not the physically adventurous type, put yourself into social danger. Crash a party or take an improv class. Even if you don’t enjoy the actual experience, the jolt of adrenaline will jazz you both up.

Sensuality: You don’t need to reject the deep oxytocin connection you share. Instead, honor it. Nature designed our bodies to link sex and connection. Not only is oxytocin released at orgasm, it’s also responsible for engorgement. After you’re revved up and in the mood for pleasure, thanks to adrenaline and dopamine, it’s time to set off some sparks. I’m not talking about jumping into bed, I’m talking about a continuum of physical contact that moves from sensual to sexual. Remember how the anticipation of reward is so, well, rewarding? And how novel stimuli increase levels of dopamine? Set aside enough time to get to know each other physically in a new way and to let interest and excitement build. Promise each other an orgasm. You can begin talking about what you’d like to do or simply hold hands. Shoot for 65 percent anticipation and only 35 percent activation. As you move into more intimate gestures, this is not the time to fall back on your tried-and-true sexual practice. It is the time to try something kinky or just different, if you’ve always wanted to. But don’t feel pressure to be inventive, simply let excitement and enjoyment build in a way that feels right to both of you.

Hone your love mixology skills and enjoy the intoxication of love all over again!

Susan Kuchinskas is the author of The Chemistry of Connection: How the oxytocin response can help you find trust, intimacy and love. She blogs about love, trust and oxytocin at Hug the Monkey.

Email her at susan at chemistryofconnection dot com.