It’s a beautiful evening and the kids are gone to grandma’s house. There is a fire in the fireplace, the candles are lit, and the music is low and sultry. You are kissing and fondling and things are quickly moving to the next level when you feel your husband’s fingers at the entrance of the forbidden zone! Oh no, wait, that isn’t his finger at all! As this realization hits your face, your wonderful soul-mate husband of many years leans over and whispers in your ear…”feeling adventurous?”
Ever happened to you? Well, this scenario (with various different changes) is played out in marital beds all over. I’ve had women to ask me why in the world their husband seems so infatuated with their bottom. To me the answer is pretty simple. Men get sexual gratification from sticking their member into small damp holes. Once a man and woman are married, their bodies belong to each other. Of course it’s only natural for a husband to think of all the places he can go with it. The three holes that are large enough to accommodate a penis are the mouth, vagina, and anus. A simple, mildly blunt explanation as to why a husband may be intrigued or interested in anal sex.
It would be unfair though; to say that husbands are the only ones interested in back door play. Many women are also curious about this ‘taboo’ subject. In my own marriage, I have always been the aggressor when it comes to anal play/sex. I had experimented myself during some alone time and found that there really are some nerve endings at the entrance of the anus that feel so pleasurable when stimulated! I told my husband about it and asked if he minded using a finger there from time to time during intercourse. The results were mind-blowing orgasms that made me melt and made him feel pretty good too!
So… how does a couple know if it’s really okay to try anal sex? I firmly believe that a married couple should feel free to try almost anything they want to in their own marriage bed. I draw the line at involving a third party, which includes other people physically and also pornography (this could be a whole other article in itself). A healthy marriage is between the husband, wife, and God. I also draw the line with sex acts that will hurt or demean one of you. If you are involved in an act that makes you feel humiliated or degraded, then that act is unhealthy for your marriage. That is a gateway for resentment to set in.
Anal sex can be very pleasurable for some women. (Notice I said some and not all.) We hear about orgasms that start from the clitoris or from the G-spot, but there are many women out there who swear that they have had orgasms originating from their anus. I believe them because it’s happened to me as well. But for all the women who claim to love anal sex, there seem to be just as many who don’t like it at all. For some women it seems degrading and for others it’s uncomfortable or just down right painful. Communication is so important here. If you are curious about it, then TALK to your spouse! Ask them how they feel about trying some anal play. Find out if he/she is uncomfortable with the idea. Discuss any concerns openly with each other. There are some possible medical issues that could result from participating in anal sex, including infection and damage to the rectum, so it would be wise to research this together before deciding on trying it. If you find that your concerns and uneasiness outweigh the curiosity and eagerness, then you probably need to stop and back up a bit. If you and your spouse have researched this topic and feel like it is something you’d like to try together, then here are a few things to keep in mind.
- You need to start small with a pinky finger or similar sized toy and gradually work your way up to the size of the husband’s penis. You may find that you can’t accommodate your husband’s penis but you do like the feel of his index finger.
- STOP if you get to something that hurts. DO NOT try to “push past the pain.” If there is pain it’s there for a reason and should be taken as a warning. You are looking for sexual pleasure, not something that hurts you.
- There is no such thing as too much lube. Use copious amounts of it, all over you and your husband. Use the amount you think you’ll need, and then add some more.
- Go slow and let her be in charge. Let her choose the position that she likes and allow her to set the pace. It may take several minutes for her to be able to handle the full monty, so be patient and wait until she is ready for more. Short, slow strokes are best to start off with.
You may wonder how in the world anal sex can deepen intimacy in marriage. Over the last few years I’ve heard many stories of this, including one woman who wrote to me explaining how she had been sexually active with several other men before marrying her husband. In her marriage, anal sex was a very intimate and bonding act for the simple reason that she had never had anal sex with any other man. Her promiscuous past included vaginal sex with other men, but they both knew that the only man she had ever had anal intercourse with was her husband. Thus, it became a very intimate act between them.
Like all other sex acts, this is a decision that is left up to each individual couple. Anal sex isn’t for everyone. It’s not the be-all end-all sex act. It’s simply one out of hundreds of things that a married couple should feel free to try, if they both want to. If both of you aren’t on the same page about it, then choose another book. It shouldn’t be a divisive issue. So communicate, research, and make a decision together. And above all, have fun!
Cumingirl is a devoted wife and full time mom of two living in the USA. She is one of the co-creators of www.christiannymphos.org. Their website is considered by many to be groundbreaking in its ability to intertwine sex and the Christian faith. The site was launched as a way to teach married women to walk in sexual freedom with their husbands.