What is the most important criteria in your definition of a “good sex life”?’

Which of the following is the most important criteria in your definition of a "good sex life"?

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4 replies
  1. Roberta
    Roberta says:

    Quality is a hard thing to define in sexual relationships, but I know that for me it really encompasses some of the other options on your survey here- how often, is it ‘fun’ (spontaneous or planned, good sex is not just physically pleasing, it is also enjoyable- fun), and is there variety- is it ‘fresh’. These things combined are what I consider ‘quality’ sex.

    Of course, there is always a larger context for sexual intimacy, and a good sex life is impossible without that context being there- good communication, understanding and patience around emotional and health struggles.

    I guess that what I’m trying to say is that I wish you had more boxes on this survey, and let us chose more than one thing. Because if sex were as simple as a debate of quantity vs quality (and I’m not suggesting that you are saying that in the least), I don’t think we’d be so constantly frustrated and fascinated by it.

    • Eryn-Faye Frans
      Eryn-Faye Frans says:

      I know Roberta, nothing is ever as simple as picking one thing from a list. But being able to only chose one allows us to take the time to consider each one more carefully. If I opened it up, it would be too easy to simply chose every one of the options. My hope is that this type of question can open up dialogue to allow people to communicate about these issues. And I certainly thank you for starting the discussion!

      I agree with you fully on the larger context for sexual intimacy. If you remember an earlier poll I posted on the most important aspect of of sex, emotional intimacy has been the largest vote getter thus far. Context does matter, because nothing is done in a vacuum – especially not sex. As a foundational cornerstone of my philosophy, I believe in the 3 C’s – commitment, communication and consummation – of a relationship and that each one plays a part in the other two. It really is impossible to consider one without looking at the other two.

      But polls are so much more fun when they cause us to stop and consider our answers! Thanks for taking the time to consider yours today.

  2. Coralie
    Coralie says:

    Well, I’m tempted to say “What Roberta said” after having clicked on “other.” But I think I clicked “other” because I define a good sex life by what happens out of the bedroom as much as what happens in it. I think a good sex life has as much to do with loading the dishwasher together as variety and spontaneity in the bedroom (or wherever). And I don’t mean “loading the dishwasher” as a euphemism. :-)

    • Eryn-Faye Frans
      Eryn-Faye Frans says:

      Coralie you made me laugh out loud. “Loading the Dishwasher” would have been a brand new euphemism for me!

      I love that you are not being forced into a pre-set box for answers! Good for you. I am in total agreement with you – a great sex life does not have to begin (or end) in the bedroom. There is so much more to having sex than just the act itself. For some people sex is the end result of intimacy; and for others it is a foundational piece for it; and for others it is part of a continuum of intimacy. This is definitely not a simple “chicken or egg” issue.

      The important part is that you and your lover understand each others needs, wants and expectations – and that you reach this understanding by communicating openly and honestly (and frequently if those needs, wants and expectations change). Truly what constitutes a “good sex life” will be individual as the people answering the question.

      I just love that we are asking and answering the question!

      I just know that tonight after dinner, I am going to burst out laughing when my husband asks if I will help him load the dishwasher

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